Women are looking for a real man. A strong guy who has principles, values and who sticks to his own path. However, they cannot trust the man to be honest about his strengths and weaknesses. Since the man’s value comes mostly from his attitude, and attitude can be faked, she needs to test the man to determine his true value. Only through this can she determine if she can trust him to be a real man in the face of challenges. This type of testing is a pretty much universal behavior that takes place both consciously and unconsciously for women. Typically, the more attractive and socially savvy the woman is, the better she is at testing.
Women test men in various ways during the courtship, especially in the beginning. They have done it so much that it has become part of their way of communicating. For example, a girl may ask you to buy her a drink, challenge you in front of other people or cancel plans without notice. She may start flirting with other guys, bring up past relationships or construct needless drama. All of this just to see how you will react. In subtle or not so subtle ways she will try to see if she can upset you, control you or make you deviate from your principles.
From a man’s perspective this behavior may seem irrational – that women would play these kinds of mind games – but from the perspective of attractive women it makes sense. The man’s role is not only the lover and provider, but also the protector. If she can dominate you verbally or by manipulating your actions, and you let her get away with that, she comes to the conclusion that she is stronger than you. If something bad happens, she certainly cannot turn to you to handle it. That is not what she wants. She wants to know that the man she is with is going to be the man.
The key to handling tests is never to lose your cool. You must maintain your composure no matter what the girl throws at you. When you do not give her the reaction she expects and instead remain calm and composed it will make a huge impression on her and boost the attraction. Conversely, the moment a woman can perceive that you are being emotionally reactive towards her you are going to lose value. If you start failing these tests they will only get tougher and more intense until she leaves.
You should be the calmer person in all situations, even when the girl throws a tantrum. If you can maintain your cool and let her go off and do her routine, she will come down and meet you where you were and you can progress. She is testing your reaction and by never overreacting to anything she says you do not have to do anything special. Learn to maintain total composure and communicate that you are in control of yourself and your emotions.
You cannot allow a woman’s energy, emotions and occasional unpredictable behavior take you off course, off your path or purpose, distract you or upset you. She will notice that you have failed the test and her attraction to you will diminish. It is okay for her to have any emotional response she wants – crying or getting upset – but you cannot turn into a girl and communicate in the same way. You also must not react with anger. If you lose control over your emotions it shatters your social value. The way to earn her respect is never to lose your cool and to call her on it calmly. Let her reorient her behavior, communication and mood to yours.
Once you are able to maintain your composure the next level of handling tests is to have fun with them. After all, you should not view tests as a barrier. The girl is only testing you because she is attracted to you. She does not want to be susceptible to your escalation unless you are really the real deal. In fact, if you have your inner game together you do not even have to mind her tests.
It can be useful to have a few default comebacks ready to go for the standard tests women throw at you. One-liners that show her that you know what she is trying to do and that you think it is actually kind of cute. Keep in mind that you can give a very poor answer to her slick line, and if you believe in it more then she believed in hers then that will work just as well.
Whenever you hear a good test think up a comeback for it that you can use the next time you hear it. Or throw it back at another girl and see if she can come up with one. Stealing the cards of women in this way can be great fun. Tests are in many ways similar to the qualification routines used in A3 and C1/C2, so those are great places to throw in a few tests to give her a bit of a challenge in a fun kind of way. Let’s look at a few categories of tests you may encounter and how you can handle them.
One of the ways women screen for high status males is by trying to control you and see if she can make you do her bidding. To handle these tests you can make her do something for you first, rather than outright refusing her. For example, if she asks you to buy her a drink you can respond with, “Why don’t you take care of the first round and I’ll take care of the second. That’s how I do it with my friends.” Or you can thumb wrestle her for the drinks and say, “Winner pays”. You can do the things she asks for provided that you want to do them, but do not let her manipulate you. She does not want that control. She wants a man who can make his own decisions and who will not submit to her every whim.
Women sometimes throw out a zinger to see how you will react. The way to pass these tests is simply to maintain your composure, which is the default response to any kind of test. For example, she may talk about other guys, try to make you jealous or complain about something you do with strong emotions. She is checking to see if you are really an alpha man or if you are just faking it and will buckle under pressure.
To give an example, when the girl mentions being interested in another guy you could say, “Great, you should go out with him sometime” and give her a smirk. When she complains about something you do, you can interpret it as a compliment – saying “Glad you like it”, “Thanks for noticing” or “Is that why you like me so much?” Another way to handle it would be to flip it around as “You must not have very good taste” or “Not classy at all”. Or you can step it up a notch with, “That’s too bad, because I like doing that a lot”. Whatever social pressure she tries to put on you just keep having fun and rolling your game.
The woman may whip out the sex card to try and take back control of the interaction. For example, she may say, “You’re not getting laid tonight” as a way to try to place you in the role of the pursuer instead of the prize. A comeback for this test would be, for instance, “If I want to get laid tonight I will. There are plenty of women out there.” Any time the girl attempts to place you in a role that is not of your choosing you should reaffirm to her what your role is. She may try to get you to qualify yourself to her, impress her or be submissive to her. In any event, give her an answer that reaffirms your role as the lover and the prize.
The sex card may also be used to see if you will be cool when things turn more sexual. Consider the following line girls like to use: “We’re not going to sleep together”. Looking only at the words, most men would take this to mean that she did not want to sleep with them. However, looking beyond the words to the meaning behind them lets you realize that she is thinking about sleeping with you. However, she does not want you to expect sex and so she throws this test to see if you will stay with her regardless. To handle it you can just acknowledge her concern, for example by saying, “That’s totally cool”, and continue forward.
The girl may try to push your boundaries to see what level of behavior you will accept. To a large extent, you teach her how to treat you by how you respond to this behavior. If you allow her to get away with bad behavior it will only get worse. It is very important that you have a clear line for what kind of behavior you will respond to, and what kind of behavior you will just blow off and not even acknowledge. You want to encourage the girl to be on her best behavior around you and show her firmly that you do not accept second class behavior if she steps out of line. This may require a bit of verbal sparring, but it is better than the alternative where you allow her to treat you badly in any way.
Some tests are designed to judge your integrity, to see if you will be honest with her or if you will lie to please her or gain something from her. These tests may be the easiest ones to handle as the best answer is to be totally forthright with your beliefs and opinions. For example, the girl may ask if you are a player, how many girls you have had, what you are looking for in a woman or what you want in a relationship. Whenever a question like this comes up, you should be brutally honest. Do not treat her with kid gloves by telling her what you think she wants to hear. Tell her how it really is. When you say exactly what you are about a lot of times it ends up being what she wants to hear. It may be the opposite of all the ideals she holds in her head, but the honesty demonstrated will still boost the attraction. It will be a breath of fresh air to her compared with all the guys who lie to try and sleep with her.
Though often not used as a test, the “I have a boyfriend” line is one that guys tend to have a problem handling. It is important to realize that when you approach an attractive woman she is unlikely to be single. Girls of quality are seldom single for any long period of time and will often have a new boyfriend in place before leaving their old one. At the very least she has some guy taking care of her needs somewhere that she can call her boyfriend as an excuse to keep low value guys from hitting on her.
Although she may not be single, this does not necessarily mean that she is unavailable for a sexual relationship. She may rationalize this in a number of ways. Her relationship might not be exclusive, she may be looking to upgrade or she is willing to see you on the side if you are discrete. This may represent a moral dilemma for you, but if so it is one you need to get over. She would not be there flirting with you if she was in a fulfilling, exclusive relationship.
When you approach a girl you should assume that she is single until proven otherwise. If the girl is in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a boyfriend she loves she will let you know early on. Of course you do not want to mess that up. You can still go for friendship with the girl, knowing that somewhere down the line she may become single. She is also likely to have girlfriends who are similar to her that you can meet through her social circle.
Oftentimes, if the girl is in a less than fulfilling relationship she will not mention that she has a boyfriend. If she does mention it, pay attention to how she is saying it. She may use it because she wants discretion, because she just wants to be honest with you, or as a smokescreen to slow down the interaction. Either way, when this happens late in the interaction you can assume the boyfriend is someone she is not really in love with and that you can just acknowledge her concern and proceed.
Handbook of The Game