Sex is the last step in the game plan and is the point when the courtship ends and the relationship begins. For a number of reasons, it is a good idea to start a sexual relationship before you decide if you want to begin a solid affectionate relationship. Sex brings you closer like no other human experience. It allows you to see the girl as she really is, without all the clothes, makeup and other outward status differences. All the social preconceptions and masks are wiped away and a completely new way of seeing each other takes place.
Another reason for quickly getting physically involved with the girl is because it gives you a lot more power in defining the relationship. Once you have shown her that you can rock her world like no one else, you have a lot of freedom to decide what type of relationship you want to have with her. Even if she only wanted a one night stand, after a night with you she will be more than willing to reconsider.
Becoming a better lover
Lovemaking is a skill. We are not born as great lovers. It is something that has to be learned. Compared with pleasing a man, pleasing a woman has a few more dimensions to it. As a result of this, many women are very sexually frustrated. Although a hard guy is easy to find, it is not so easy to find someone who can really satisfy her on all levels. This provides you with a simple and powerful way to distinguish yourself from pretty much every other guy. If you take the time and learn how to give her mind blowing pleasure, you can literally make her sexually addicted to you, to the point where she will want sex with you even more than you do.
Becoming skilled at making women feel good is something every man should know. This chapter will provide an overview, but you should really study up on this subject. The girl will appreciate it and you will be coming from a different place than most other guys, knowing that she will have an incredible experience with you that she will never forget. This will improve your own enjoyment of sex as well, as you can take pleasure from her pleasure. After all, much of the fun in sex comes from making your lover feel incredible.
The four elements
Sex is very much a mental thing for women. While knowing the basic physical techniques is important, the psychological stimulation is even more essential. It is the reason why her sex toys are a poor substitute for the real thing. The psychological stimulation women need to be sexually satisfied comes down to four elements: dominance, emotion, variety and immersion. Let’s examine each one in order.
Women are sexually submissive creatures generally, whereas men are inherently dominant. It is the man’s role to be the leader in the bedroom and to assume responsibility for the woman’s pleasure. Although the woman’s sexual skills also matter, as the man you are primarily responsible for how good the sex is. You determine what will happen in the bedroom and how to give you both the most pleasure. There are exceptions of course. Some women are more dominant than others, and allowing the woman to lead occasionally is good for variety, but even then you are the one who is letting her lead.
The desire to be dominated by a real man is one of the deepest desires of every woman. In the absence of this dominance, there is no sexual excitement. Just as when you approached her and led her through the courtship phases, you continue to lead the interaction in bed. You move her around, tell her what to do, change positions and decisively lead the experience forward to new levels of pleasure. It is a turn on for her in this context, whereas hesitations and asking for permission are turn offs. You want to give her the sexual pleasure that she lacks the courage to ask for on her own initiative.
Another way to express your dominance is through dirty talk. Using a deep, dominant and seductive tonality you fill her ear with erotic language. You can for instance describe out loud what is happening, how good it feels or what you are going to do to her and how much she is going to enjoy it. Just let the words flow naturally, whatever comes to mind.
In order to create strong emotions with a woman you must also feel strong emotions yourself. Women are naturally more emotional than men, so it is alright if your emotions are not quite as intense as hers. However, if your level of emotion is far below hers that is a problem. She will sense that you do not feel as strongly for her as she does for you and may hold back her own emotions to avoid being hurt.
Just as dirty talk is a great way to make sex more dominant, emotional talk makes sex more emotional. They enhance each other. Exposing your own raw emotions this way will greatly intensify what she is feeling. Do not worry about making sense when you are combining emotional and dirty talk. It does not matter. The rule of thumb for emotional talk is to reciprocate the level of emotion she is expressing towards you. Becoming too emotional will ruin your dominance, but being significantly less emotional will inhibit her own emotions.
Emotional talk could be, for example, telling her that you want her, that she was meant for you or that she belongs to you. Also, just as girls moan and scream in pleasure during sex, do not be afraid to let out passionate noises in bed. Let yourself naturally moan when you enter her and roar when you reach orgasm. Show her that you are enjoying it.
When it comes to sex there are endless possibilities for variation. Be creative and continually come up with new ways to keep sex fresh and exciting. This is especially important in a long-term relationship to avoid that sex becomes just a boring routine. After all, predictability is the root of all boredom. Here are a few different levels you can mix with.
- Locations – Have sex in different locations, not just the bed. For example, in the shower, on a chair or couch, in a hotel room, outdoors or in the back seat of your car.
- Time – Vary the time of the day that you have sex. Do not just have sex before you go to sleep. You can also vary how long you have sex for, how much foreplay you have and so on.
- Order – Do not go linearly from one step to the next every time you have sex. Mix things up and vary the menu.
- Positions – Learn and make use of a variety of different sexual positions. Also try new ones occasionally.
- Psychology – Add psychological as well as physical variation. You can, for example, emphasize a single psychological element, such as being more dominant, passionate, immersed, romantic or tantric.
- Taboo – Making her perceive having sex with you as high risk and taboo is one way to keep the excitement going. You can do this by exploring new sexual frontiers with her, such as semi-public sex, sex toys, bondage, threesomes, porn, sexual fantasies or having sex with your clothes still on.
Immersion is your ability to be in the moment and experience things as they come without any distracting thoughts or fears. There is nothing that will kill your immersion like pressure. You need to let go of any insecurities, worries or other pressure factors and just have fun being in the moment and sharing it with her. It will help her to relax and enjoy it more as well. The first time you have sex with a woman you should emphasize this immersion aspect more than the other three elements.
There are two basic kinds of orgasms a woman can have: clitoral and vaginal. The clitoral is the most common type a woman experiences and comes mainly from direct stimulation of the clitoris. This is typically how a woman masturbates. In contrast, vaginal orgasms come from direct stimulation of the inside of a woman’s vagina, mainly the g-spot. A clitoral orgasm is a sensation local to the genitals, whereas a vaginal orgasm provides a more powerful, full body type orgasm. Most women have not experienced the second kind which may make it harder for her to achieve it.
Once the panties are off you have two choices. You can either give her a clitoral or a vaginal orgasm. Do not rely on being able to give the girl an orgasm through intercourse. Instead, start by giving her an orgasm through oral sex or using your fingers. When you help her experience an orgasm before you even start intercourse, it relieves you of much of the pressure to please her. It will also make her much more orgasmic during intercourse, as well as more willing to please you in return.
Oral sex is the easiest way to give a girl an orgasm. While you can use your fingers as well, the stimulation and moisture that your tongue provides is both physically and psychologically better. Your mouth also allows for a wide range of techniques – such as sucking, kissing, massaging and licking – the last of which is your main tool.
Have the girl lie on her back and tell her to relax as you go down on her. Start with teasing and very light stimulation. You can, for example, tease her with a warm breath on her clitoris, kiss it and then lick it softly with the tip of your tongue. When she has reached the breaking point for teasing you can start escalating slowly to more forceful stimulation. As you apply oral stimulation be sure to read the girl’s body language to see what she enjoys most.
Keep in mind that the clitoris is very sensitive. It is the only human body part made only for sexual pleasure and has as many nerve endings as a man’s entire penis. As such you should avoid stimulating it directly for very long, and even less so after it has become erect. Too much direct contact without a small break will numb it. Stimulate it for a while and then move on to a different area for a few seconds. That way when you go back the feeling will be even more intense for her without any numbness. Good ways to stimulate the clitoris include using a circular motion, a sideways motion, or an up-and-down motion with your tongue.
Variety will add to her stimulation. Aside from the clitoris, some other erogenous zones to focus on include the inner lips, the vaginal passage and the U-spot. The U-spot is located above and on either side of the urethral opening. There are also the two clitoral nerves that go on either side of the clitoris and the pubic bone. In addition to varying the zones you stimulate, you can also vary the way you lick her – changing the direction of your tongue, its softness level, the pressure you apply and if you use the whole tongue or just the top. Be sure to use plenty of saliva as any dryness can be very painful for her. It also makes all the motions with your tongue feel better and gives her the sensation of being dripping wet, which she associates with being extremely turned on. Another way to add stimulation is to incorporate your fingers for some light vaginal penetration.
When the woman is about to have a clitoral orgasm she may push her hips up into your mouth to feel more, which makes it harder for you to give her what she wants. To avoid this you can use your hands to physically hold her hips down to the bed. This is also very dominant. When she is nearing climax a good way to bring her over the edge is to lick the clitoris with a fast, darting motion up and down. After she has had the orgasm you can feel her come down and her muscles start to relax. Keep licking her softly for a minute or so afterwards. A woman takes longer to come down from an orgasm than a man, so let her enjoy the full after effects. Keep in mind that the clitoris becomes overly sensitive for about a minute after the orgasm and needs to rest before you can bring her to another clitoral orgasm. In contrast, the vagina has much more sexual endurance and is capable of having multiple orgasms in a row.
You can give the girl a vaginal orgasm even if it is your first time together and even if she has never had a vaginal orgasm before. The most reliable way to achieve it is to stimulate her g-spot using your fingers. With the girl aroused, slide your index or middle finger into her vagina along the front wall with your palm facing up. About two knuckles in (2.5–7.5 cm) you will feel a ridged area that is different from the smooth area surrounding it. This is the infamous g-spot, also called the goddess spot. At rest it is completely flat, but when a woman becomes aroused the spot will begin to swell and become more pronounced.
Using the soft pad of your finger begin stroking the area by sliding your finger in and out. Alternatively, you can curl your finger and do a “come here” type of motion, as if you are trying to pull that spot out of her. Start off using light pressure and slow speed and gradually increase. Pay close attention to how she responds to figure out what speed and pressure she likes best. It is a good idea to start off with one finger, but once she is comfortable with that switch to two fingers. It provides greater stimulation and allows you to apply really firm pressure for a longer period of time without tiring.
Some experienced women can reach vaginal orgasm within a few minutes, but for most women it will take longer. This is especially true if she has not had one before. Once she understands what that feeling is like when you stimulate her this way she is going to know what she is looking for, so she will be able to come quicker and quicker each time.
When you feel her vaginal walls expand and contract around your fingers this is a sure indication that she is close to a vaginal orgasm. Keep on stimulating her the same way and do not let her contractions force your fingers out. When the woman orgasms you will feel a flow of wetness inside her, completely different from normal vaginal lubrication and her body may spasm uncontrollably. Just reassure her and keep doing what you are doing.
Once the girl climaxes she may experience female ejaculation, also called fountain orgasm. This is an even stronger type of orgasm that occurs when a woman comes so hard that she actually ejaculates during the orgasm. As mentioned before, the g-spot swells up when the girl approaches an orgasm. This swelling comes from the urethral sponge located behind the g-spot which fills up with liquid. When the woman experiences a powerful orgasm this liquid may get pushed out of her urethra. This is one of the most powerful orgasms a woman can experience and not all women may be able to achieve it. When you feel that the girl is close to climaxing you can help her reach it by pressing firmly on the erect g-spot.
A woman who is inexperienced with fountain orgasms may mistake the feeling with the urge to pee. She will then clench her PC muscle to hold it back and the ejaculation then has nowhere to go. Moreover, she will then only experience half the orgasm compared with if she pushes the ejaculation out. If the girl tells you that she feels like she is about to urinate, assure her that it is near impossible for her to pee and that she should just let go. The quantity of liquid that is squirted out can vary a lot, from a light gushing to an actual drenching spray. Have some towels handy.
After a vaginal orgasm chances are the girl may want a break. On the other hand, if you get the impression that she is ready for more you can go for another round as women are able to have multiple vaginal orgasms with no let-up in between. Instead of letting her come down you keep on stimulating her right through and after her orgasm. This can be done using your fingers, through intercourse or with toys. With each successive orgasm she will reach higher and higher levels of arousal, to the point when her orgasms will start to become indistinct and blend into each other. This is called the continuously orgasmic state and is considered the most intense orgasm that a girl can experience.
After giving the girl an orgasm she will be physically and mentally ready for you. This is the time to put on the condom if you have not already. You should always practice safe sex until you know that you can trust your partner. Sex without condoms is much more pleasurable for both parties, because of the increased physical and psychological stimulation it provides. However, it is also much more risky and requires a high degree of trust in your partner in terms of birth control and STDs. It is recommended that you take an STD test together before you start to have unprotected sex.
Not all women produce enough lubrication for clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration. For this reason, keep a lubricant within reach of the bed at all times and use it as necessary. With a lubricant you will also be able to have sex without any foreplay, which adds another level of variation for both of you. Most condoms are somewhat lubricated, but they rarely have enough of it so you may want to provide some of your own. Be sure to use a water-based lubricant in combination with condoms to avoid weakening the latex. If you do not have a lubricant available you can use saliva instead.
When you enter the girl do so slowly while maintaining eye contact. See how she responds. If she experiences pain you may want to slow down further or apply more lubrication. Start moving gently and gradually increase the speed until you find a good rhythm. When you feel a position is getting too repetitive, switch to another one. You have to keep your pace for her to orgasm, but until she is close to that stage you can add in a lot of variety. You can vary your speed, rhythm, angle, penetration technique and how deep you go, as well as which sexual positions you use. Remember the location of the g-spot and clitoris. To help the girl orgasm from penetration sex you should use positions that allow you to rub against one of these spots.
The Missionary position is the most common sexual position and is a good place to start, although it is not very stimulating for the girl. Two variations of the Missionary position are the Nirvana and the Hero. With Nirvana you shift your body a bit forward to rub against her clitoris. With the Hero position you raise the girl’s knees up and back towards her chest, thereby changing the penetration angle to allow you to rub against her g-spot. These are just two examples. See this site for 100 sexual positions together with illustrations.
Keep in mind not to focus just on the groin during sex. Let your hands and mouth play and caress other parts of your lover’s body. You can for example play with her breasts, squeeze her buttocks, smell her hair or gently bite her neck. It adds to her arousal and is a lot of fun.
How to last longer
Most guys cannot control how long they last. One moment they are lost in ecstasy, the next it is all over. Ejaculation is triggered too fast and once spent their arousal drops like a stone. The average intercourse is only four minutes long, whereas you want at least to have the option of lasting for 45 minutes or more – at the very least, long enough for her to have a penetration orgasm. This is not as difficult as it may sound and with a few simple techniques you will be able to last virtually however long you want, until your partner is sexually satisfied and you are ready to join in that pleasurable sensation too.
The main thing about controlling how long you last is to be aware of your own level of arousal. Consider a man’s arousal to be a scale between 0 and 10, where 0 is no arousal and 10 is ejaculation. On this scale you should be between 7 and 8 during sex, the pleasure zone. At 9 you are too near the point of no return. To maintain the 7–8 level of arousal you have a number of techniques at your disposal.
- Breathing – Take slow, deep breaths. It clears your mind, relaxes you and improves your stamina. In contrast, most men’s breathing get shallow and fast when they get excited, which is terrible for their stamina.
- Physical relaxation – Keep your body relaxed instead of tensed up. This will improve your stamina and give you greater control. Again, most guys tend to tense up during sex.
- Mental relaxation – Let yourself be in the moment and in your senses instead of in your head. By enjoying the various sensations you have you will be able to diffuse pleasure throughout your whole body.
- Speed control – As the man you control the speed in most positions. If you feel yourself getting close to the point of no return you can slow yourself down or even stop. You have to keep your pace for her to orgasm, but do not feel you need to go faster and faster.
- Position – Positions where the man is parallel to the girl tend to be more stimulating for the man than positions where he is coming in at an angle. Likewise, positions where the girl is moving instead of you will allow you to more easily maintain your level of arousal.
- Pulling – In most sexual positions you have the option of pushing her into you instead of thrusting into her. This feels the same to the girl, but it decreases the drain on your stamina. As you are not moving you will be able to stay as relaxed as you need to maintain your level of arousal.
- Control – How long you last in the bedroom is not always about penetration. Instead of getting overexcited you can change what you are doing at any time. Switching position, pulling out, teasing her, doing 69, giving oral stimulation and generally deciding the outcome of the experience.
- Condom – Wearing a thicker or performance enhancing condom is an easy and not too suspicious way to reduce your sensitivity and help you to last longer.
- Diversion – Press the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, a simple yet effective diversion tactic that is unknown to your lover. Be careful not to do it too much or you are no longer enjoying the experience.
Male multiple orgasms
It is possible to achieve multiple orgasms as a man without losing arousal in between. The key is to realize that the orgasm is different from the ejaculation. While the ejaculation kills arousal, the orgasm actually increases it. Although the orgasm normally accompanies the ejaculation, it is possible to achieve pre-ejaculatory orgasms without the accompanying ejaculation. The orgasm alone lasts far longer than the ejaculation high and instead of fading the arousal gets stronger with each successive orgasm.
Achieving multiple orgasms requires you to have a high degree of control over your stamina and where you are on the arousal scale in order to avoid ejaculating. The key is to bring yourself as close to the point of no return as you humanly can without crossing it. Once you are there, cease the stimulation and tighten your PC muscle. The PC muscle is located directly behind the testicles and is the muscle used to control the flow of urine. Tightening this muscle will help to trigger the orgasm signal. If you have mistakenly gone past the point of no return then clenching the PC muscle tightly can also prevent you from ejaculating. Another method is to squeeze right below the head of your penis. This pushes blood out and represses the ejaculatory response.
Let the arousal fall for 10–30 seconds to 3–4 on the arousal scale before you continue. Then slowly work your way up the scale again and repeat the process. Each time you bring yourself to the point of no return your body expects a payoff. If it does not get one your body will invent its own orgasm. This will not happen immediately but by practicing this for several sessions and with several pauses in each session you can retrain your body to experience it every time. You can practice this on your own before you do it with your lover and it does not matter if you end with an ejaculation or not.
Even after the act of ejaculating you have the option to continue. You can keep going and ignore the drop in arousal. Keep kissing her, caressing her and using your foreplay skills until you recover and are ready for the next round, and the next. Most men last much longer the second time around and with practice you will be able to last longer the first time as well.
You want to outlast her. Get her to say that you need to stop. She will brag about how long you lasted to her girlfriends and if you create an open relationship with her she will want to share you. Keep in mind that anything from kissing is considered sex for women.
It is important to show affection after sex as this is when she is most emotionally vulnerable. This is especially true the first time if you want to take the relationship further. You can hold her in your arms, kiss her and tell her how much she means to you and how amazing the sex was. This lets you solidify the emotional and physical connection you have built during the courtship. It also alleviates any fears she may have, that you will not respect her or that you do not care for her.
Do not let what you have built go to waste by acting platonic or leaving her after sex. Hang out with her afterwards. Show her that you will stick around if she wants you to. Bring her water, cuddle with her and make her feel good. You can also end with something classy, such as sharing a bubble bath or feeding her grapes.
Handbook of The Game