Body Language

Our communication is built up of three parts: body language, tonality and words. Out of these, 60% of your communication is conveyed through your body language, 30% through tonality and only 10% through the words you use. Because of this when it comes to generating attraction having the right body language and tonality is crucial. Without those parts the words you use become ineffective.

Displaying status

To attract women you want to use high status body language. This is body language that conveys the alpha man characteristics. The dominance and confidence aspects are displayed through the use of large, relaxed and comfortable body language. In turn, humor and warmth are shown through your open and friendly posture and your positive facial expressions. This kind of body language will make women want to be with you, whereas the opposite kind will repel them.


A powerful way to improve your body language, and social skills in general, is to become more relaxed and comfortable. The more comfortable you are the easier it will be to make girls comfortable being with you. Your humor and conversation topics will also flow more naturally from this relaxed state of mind. This will allow you to have more fun during your interactions as well.

Regardless of what is going on around you, and whatever social situation you find yourself in, you should be irrationally comfortable, just as if you were hanging out at home. In a high pressure social situation, such as a club, this is easier said than done. One technique you can employ is to imagine that the venue you are in just became your venue. You are now the owner of that venue. Knowing this is your place and you make the rules, your state of mind and body language will change to reflect that.


Another simple way to enhance your attractiveness is through your posture. This works for both genders, but what constitutes an attractive posture is different. Women use poses that accentuate their attractive body parts and curves to better convey their fitness. Men, on the other hand, use large, dominant poses that emphasize their physical size, strength and grace in order to convey their high status.

To train your posture you preferably want to find a full-length mirror so you can see the difference. If not, you can just stand up wherever you are. Let’s begin with the basic high status posture. Starting with your lower body, keep your feet slightly more than shoulder distance apart. Let them be flat on the ground, parallel and pointing forward. Distribute your weight evenly across both feet and stand directly over them. Next, let your hands fall naturally to your sides. To feel more comfortable, you can let your index and middle fingers gently touch your thumb.

As for the upper body, a good way to set things straight is with the hang-by-your-teeth technique. Pretend that there is an iron bar in front of you that you bite down on and use to pull your posture up by the teeth. Feel how it lifts your chest up, pulls your stomach in, straightens your neck and pushes your chin and shoulders back. It sets everything right automatically. Try it now and get a feel for it. You may need to exaggerate it a little bit to get comfortable with it.

If you feel your shoulders are still hunched forward you can address this by stretching the muscles that run across the front of your shoulders. To do this, fold your hands behind your back. Keep your arms straight and gently stretch them upwards for a few seconds before coming down again. There will be a noticeable improvement in your posture as a result.

You now have a default high status posture that you can use. From this default posture you can experiment with other poses to see what looks good for you. Everyone has their own style of body language so you need to develop your own poses. For example, to add some cool action to the default pose, turn your toes a bit outwards and lean on one leg. Then put one or both of your thumbs in your pocket or belt. This is another high status pose.

When you are out meeting people it is good to use open rather than closed body language. For example, if you are holding a drink do not hold it in front of your chest as a barrier. Instead, hold it down to your side from above, and let the hand holding it dangle naturally by your side. It makes you look more comfortable as well as more open to conversation. Likewise, avoid crossing your arms as it signals that you are closed off. Keep your arms open instead to show that you are willing to engage in conversation. You can even hook your thumbs in your back pockets to force open your body language and make yourself look more friendly and approachable.

Keep in mind that your body language affects your emotions and vice versa. When you stand with a good posture and move in a powerful way it will not only make you seem more confident. It will make you feel more confident as well.


As you sit down to interact with a girl, you should physically lean back slightly. This lets you look more comfortable and by not leaning in towards her you will not be perceived as needy or as seeking her approval. It will also make the girl more willing to move towards you in a couch scenario. Make sure to keep your back straight and not slouched.

Keep your legs slightly apart as you lean back. Your feet can either stay below your knees or you can move them out a bit. Another alternative is to put one of your ankles over your knee. These are all high status sitting postures. In contrast, avoid sitting in the feminine manner with your legs closed or crossed. It is masculine to expose your groin and feminine to hide it. Having your legs spread wider than normal can show confidence, but it is a sexually aggressive pose so avoid using it until the girl is attracted to you. As for your hands, you can let them rest comfortably on your legs, arm rest or over the back of the chair.


Your movements should be relaxed and smooth, as opposed to fast or jerky. It is a good idea to practice slower-than-usual movements and gestures. They will not only make you seem more calm and confident, but will also make you feel more relaxed. You can apply this to all kinds of movements – such as walking, turning, gesturing, breathing and even blinking. Try it a couple of times and notice how it relaxes you.

When you walk around in a venue you can maintain this slightly slower-than-normal pace. It makes you appear more graceful and comfortable. Furthermore, you should walk with a purpose, like you are going somewhere, even if you are just going to the bathroom. Remember that you own every place you are at, so walk around like it. This confident walk will get noticed by women.

To make your walk attractive start by assuming the basic high status posture. You can relax this posture a bit when walking, but you want to let it show that the power is there. Keep your legs parallel with each other as you let your hips propel you forward. A good technique to get this high status walk right is to imagine that you are wearing a superhero cape. Walk around a bit with this image in your head to get a feel for it.

When women do a sexy walk they sway their hips to accentuate and bring attention to that area. The equivalent display for men is to sway their shoulders. With your chest out and back straight you can just allow your shoulders to move naturally back and forth as you walk. At the same time allow your arms to swing from the movements of your shoulders and back.

Facial expression

When you are out meeting girls you should try not to appear angry, sad or bored. Any negative states like this will send people running. You instead want to show that you are friendly and fun to be around. The best way to communicate this is with a smile. Not a “nice guy” smile that indicates you want girls’ approval, but the confident alpha smile. A smile that shows that you are out to have a good time. Once the interaction has started you can relax the smile a bit, and use it more as a reward for her gaining your approval. You should also smile in between interactions. It shows that you are having fun, which is attractive. The smile also improves your emotional state and makes you more approachable.

Get in shape

Fitness is a universally attractive trait for both genders. Although a physically fit body does not contribute as much to a man’s attraction value as it does for a woman, a high level of fitness can still be a significant advantage. This is particularly because of the many additional benefits being fit brings you – including an abundance of energy, improved confidence and a greater mood. These benefits will not only improve your social game, but many other areas of your life as well. Similar to style and grooming, a high level of fitness also gives you an instant DHV before you even open your mouth. This makes the process of triggering that initial attraction even easier.

To improve your fitness do cardio training – such as jogging or swimming. Some modest strength training will not hurt, and can help you to burn fat and bulk up, but the main fitness benefits come from cardio training. Cardio training will also allow you to lose fat and build lean muscles, both of which contribute to your physical attractiveness.

One way to measure your level of fitness is to measure your percentage of body fat. This can be done conveniently with a body fat measuring scale. Men are typically considered fit if their percentage is below 17% and toned below 13%. If you want to go the extra mile and get a six-pack you will need to reduce that percentage down to the 8–10% range.

If you feel that you may be carrying around a few extra kilos, an efficient fat loss program is to do 30–45 minutes of cardio training every single day. For maximum fat burn this cardio should be performed first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach. Coupled with a low calorie diet, which is 500 calories below your daily calorie needs, this will allow you to lose around 0.5 kg of fat per week. Once you have gotten in shape you can maintain it either through an active lifestyle or by continuing to exercise two to three times per week.

For more information on losing weight see my article on weight loss.

Eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful way of letting girls know that they are dealing with a real man. When you make eye contact with a woman you are attracted to, you should maintain it and let her be the one who breaks eye contact first. Women are inclined to view a man who looks at them with a steady look as attractive and confident. Without training most men will unconsciously look away, so you will need to practice this.

During an interaction with a girl the amount of eye contact you give her lets you indicate your level of interest in her and the interaction, and vice versa. When you are speaking, your eye contact tells her that what you say is important. Likewise, when she speaks it shows that you find what she is saying interesting and worth listening to. Too strong or too much eye contact can make her uncomfortable, but too little may make you look uninterested. A good ratio is to look directly at her about two-thirds of the time during a conversational thread between just you and her.

When you are not looking at her face do not just go straight for her breasts. Even if she is wearing a revealing outfit, staring at her body will make her uncomfortable and it will signal too much interest early on. Resist the temptation and it will make a positive impression.

Once the girl is attracted to you that is another story. She will then want you to check her out, though you still want to be discreet about it. Sometimes the girl may deliberately present opportunities for you to appreciate her assets by looking away or otherwise flaunting her body to you. As the man you can do the same thing for her and look away while you strike a cool pose. It gives her a chance to admire you sexually without fear of getting caught.

Be sure not to use too strong eye contact with the girl. Just give her a soft gaze, rather than large bug eyes during the conversation. When you make an overt kino move you can take this a step further and use seductive eye contact. You then let your eyelids relax and drop a bit to make her feel warm and fuzzy inside as you go for the escalation. Be sure to practice these and other kinds of eye contact in the mirror to have them ready to go.


The way you speak conveys a tremendous amount of information about who you are and how much value you have. Using your voice properly can help you hold a woman’s attention and make what you say more attractive, almost regardless of the words coming out of your mouth. Follow these simple guidelines to improve the way women respond to your voice.

Make sure to talk loud and clear enough so that the girl can hear you easily. Also slow down your voice to make sure she gets what you are saying. When someone is nervous, they usually speak faster. In contrast, when you slow down your voice it will make you seem more relaxed and in control. When you take your time to make sure your communication is perceived as being important, then you will be perceived as being important as well.

Be expressive with your vocal tonality and have a smooth rhythm to your speech. Use a tonality that is fun and playful rather than monotonous and boring. You can also deepen your voice a bit by finding the lowest natural pitch of your speaking voice. The confidence this voice demonstrates can be powerfully mesmerizing to women. Following these simple tips – clear, slow and deep – will have a huge impact on the amount of attraction you can build in a woman just from the way you are talking to her.


Body language is a mostly subconscious way of communicating, so to improve it you need to bring it to your conscious awareness for a while. Take a seven-day period where you decide to become conscious of your body language so that you can make any needed corrections. Throughout this period strive to use high status body language and simultaneously work on eliminating any bad body language habits you may have. These are any habits that make you seem nervous, uncomfortable or submissive – such as scratching, fidgeting, cracking your knuckles, slouching, leaning in or habitually looking down. Eliminating this bad body language is just as important as developing good body language.

A technique you can use when training your body language is to pretend that you are in a reality TV show and that there is a camera on you at all times. Moreover, the women you are interested in are all going to be watching this video. Better look sharp. Once the seven days are over and you have internalized your high status body language you can let it go back into your subconscious again so you do not have to think about it anymore. It has now become a part of who you are.

S3 – Sex

Sex is the last step in the game plan and is the point when the courtship ends and the relationship begins. For a number of reasons, it is a good idea to start a sexual relationship before you decide if you want to begin a solid affectionate relationship. Sex brings you closer like no other human experience. It allows you to see the girl as she really is, without all the clothes, makeup and other outward status differences. All the social preconceptions and masks are wiped away and a completely new way of seeing each other takes place.

Another reason for quickly getting physically involved with the girl is because it gives you a lot more power in defining the relationship. Once you have shown her that you can rock her world like no one else, you have a lot of freedom to decide what type of relationship you want to have with her. Even if she only wanted a one night stand, after a night with you she will be more than willing to reconsider.

Becoming a better lover

Lovemaking is a skill. We are not born as great lovers. It is something that has to be learned. Compared with pleasing a man, pleasing a woman has a few more dimensions to it. As a result of this, many women are very sexually frustrated. Although a hard guy is easy to find, it is not so easy to find someone who can really satisfy her on all levels. This provides you with a simple and powerful way to distinguish yourself from pretty much every other guy. If you take the time and learn how to give her mind blowing pleasure, you can literally make her sexually addicted to you, to the point where she will want sex with you even more than you do.

Becoming skilled at making women feel good is something every man should know. This chapter will provide an overview, but you should really study up on this subject. The girl will appreciate it and you will be coming from a different place than most other guys, knowing that she will have an incredible experience with you that she will never forget. This will improve your own enjoyment of sex as well, as you can take pleasure from her pleasure. After all, much of the fun in sex comes from making your lover feel incredible.

The four elements

Sex is very much a mental thing for women. While knowing the basic physical techniques is important, the psychological stimulation is even more essential. It is the reason why her sex toys are a poor substitute for the real thing. The psychological stimulation women need to be sexually satisfied comes down to four elements: dominance, emotion, variety and immersion. Let’s examine each one in order.

1) Dominance

Women are sexually submissive creatures generally, whereas men are inherently dominant. It is the man’s role to be the leader in the bedroom and to assume responsibility for the woman’s pleasure. Although the woman’s sexual skills also matter, as the man you are primarily responsible for how good the sex is. You determine what will happen in the bedroom and how to give you both the most pleasure. There are exceptions of course. Some women are more dominant than others, and allowing the woman to lead occasionally is good for variety, but even then you are the one who is letting her lead.

The desire to be dominated by a real man is one of the deepest desires of every woman. In the absence of this dominance, there is no sexual excitement. Just as when you approached her and led her through the courtship phases, you continue to lead the interaction in bed. You move her around, tell her what to do, change positions and decisively lead the experience forward to new levels of pleasure. It is a turn on for her in this context, whereas hesitations and asking for permission are turn offs. You want to give her the sexual pleasure that she lacks the courage to ask for on her own initiative.

Another way to express your dominance is through dirty talk. Using a deep, dominant and seductive tonality you fill her ear with erotic language. You can for instance describe out loud what is happening, how good it feels or what you are going to do to her and how much she is going to enjoy it. Just let the words flow naturally, whatever comes to mind.

2) Emotions

In order to create strong emotions with a woman you must also feel strong emotions yourself. Women are naturally more emotional than men, so it is alright if your emotions are not quite as intense as hers. However, if your level of emotion is far below hers that is a problem. She will sense that you do not feel as strongly for her as she does for you and may hold back her own emotions to avoid being hurt.

Just as dirty talk is a great way to make sex more dominant, emotional talk makes sex more emotional. They enhance each other. Exposing your own raw emotions this way will greatly intensify what she is feeling. Do not worry about making sense when you are combining emotional and dirty talk. It does not matter. The rule of thumb for emotional talk is to reciprocate the level of emotion she is expressing towards you. Becoming too emotional will ruin your dominance, but being significantly less emotional will inhibit her own emotions.

Emotional talk could be, for example, telling her that you want her, that she was meant for you or that she belongs to you. Also, just as girls moan and scream in pleasure during sex, do not be afraid to let out passionate noises in bed. Let yourself naturally moan when you enter her and roar when you reach orgasm. Show her that you are enjoying it.

3) Variation

When it comes to sex there are endless possibilities for variation. Be creative and continually come up with new ways to keep sex fresh and exciting. This is especially important in a long-term relationship to avoid that sex becomes just a boring routine. After all, predictability is the root of all boredom. Here are a few different levels you can mix with.

  1. Locations – Have sex in different locations, not just the bed. For example, in the shower, on a chair or couch, in a hotel room, outdoors or in the back seat of your car.
  2. Time – Vary the time of the day that you have sex. Do not just have sex before you go to sleep. You can also vary how long you have sex for, how much foreplay you have and so on.
  3. Order – Do not go linearly from one step to the next every time you have sex. Mix things up and vary the menu.
  4. Positions – Learn and make use of a variety of different sexual positions. Also try new ones occasionally.
  5. Psychology – Add psychological as well as physical variation. You can, for example, emphasize a single psychological element, such as being more dominant, passionate, immersed, romantic or tantric.
  6. Taboo – Making her perceive having sex with you as high risk and taboo is one way to keep the excitement going. You can do this by exploring new sexual frontiers with her, such as semi-public sex, sex toys, bondage, threesomes, porn, sexual fantasies or having sex with your clothes still on.

4) Immersion

Immersion is your ability to be in the moment and experience things as they come without any distracting thoughts or fears. There is nothing that will kill your immersion like pressure. You need to let go of any insecurities, worries or other pressure factors and just have fun being in the moment and sharing it with her. It will help her to relax and enjoy it more as well. The first time you have sex with a woman you should emphasize this immersion aspect more than the other three elements.

Female orgasms

There are two basic kinds of orgasms a woman can have: clitoral and vaginal. The clitoral is the most common type a woman experiences and comes mainly from direct stimulation of the clitoris. This is typically how a woman masturbates. In contrast, vaginal orgasms come from direct stimulation of the inside of a woman’s vagina, mainly the g-spot. A clitoral orgasm is a sensation local to the genitals, whereas a vaginal orgasm provides a more powerful, full body type orgasm. Most women have not experienced the second kind which may make it harder for her to achieve it.

Once the panties are off you have two choices. You can either give her a clitoral or a vaginal orgasm. Do not rely on being able to give the girl an orgasm through intercourse. Instead, start by giving her an orgasm through oral sex or using your fingers. When you help her experience an orgasm before you even start intercourse, it relieves you of much of the pressure to please her. It will also make her much more orgasmic during intercourse, as well as more willing to please you in return.

Clitoral orgasm

Oral sex is the easiest way to give a girl an orgasm. While you can use your fingers as well, the stimulation and moisture that your tongue provides is both physically and psychologically better. Your mouth also allows for a wide range of techniques – such as sucking, kissing, massaging and licking – the last of which is your main tool.

Have the girl lie on her back and tell her to relax as you go down on her. Start with teasing and very light stimulation. You can, for example, tease her with a warm breath on her clitoris, kiss it and then lick it softly with the tip of your tongue. When she has reached the breaking point for teasing you can start escalating slowly to more forceful stimulation. As you apply oral stimulation be sure to read the girl’s body language to see what she enjoys most.

Keep in mind that the clitoris is very sensitive. It is the only human body part made only for sexual pleasure and has as many nerve endings as a man’s entire penis. As such you should avoid stimulating it directly for very long, and even less so after it has become erect. Too much direct contact without a small break will numb it. Stimulate it for a while and then move on to a different area for a few seconds. That way when you go back the feeling will be even more intense for her without any numbness. Good ways to stimulate the clitoris include using a circular motion, a sideways motion, or an up-and-down motion with your tongue.

Variety will add to her stimulation. Aside from the clitoris, some other erogenous zones to focus on include the inner lips, the vaginal passage and the U-spot. The U-spot is located above and on either side of the urethral opening. There are also the two clitoral nerves that go on either side of the clitoris and the pubic bone. In addition to varying the zones you stimulate, you can also vary the way you lick her – changing the direction of your tongue, its softness level, the pressure you apply and if you use the whole tongue or just the top. Be sure to use plenty of saliva as any dryness can be very painful for her. It also makes all the motions with your tongue feel better and gives her the sensation of being dripping wet, which she associates with being extremely turned on. Another way to add stimulation is to incorporate your fingers for some light vaginal penetration.

When the woman is about to have a clitoral orgasm she may push her hips up into your mouth to feel more, which makes it harder for you to give her what she wants. To avoid this you can use your hands to physically hold her hips down to the bed. This is also very dominant. When she is nearing climax a good way to bring her over the edge is to lick the clitoris with a fast, darting motion up and down. After she has had the orgasm you can feel her come down and her muscles start to relax. Keep licking her softly for a minute or so afterwards. A woman takes longer to come down from an orgasm than a man, so let her enjoy the full after effects. Keep in mind that the clitoris becomes overly sensitive for about a minute after the orgasm and needs to rest before you can bring her to another clitoral orgasm. In contrast, the vagina has much more sexual endurance and is capable of having multiple orgasms in a row.

Vaginal orgasm

You can give the girl a vaginal orgasm even if it is your first time together and even if she has never had a vaginal orgasm before. The most reliable way to achieve it is to stimulate her g-spot using your fingers. With the girl aroused, slide your index or middle finger into her vagina along the front wall with your palm facing up. About two knuckles in (2.5–7.5 cm) you will feel a ridged area that is different from the smooth area surrounding it. This is the infamous g-spot, also called the goddess spot. At rest it is completely flat, but when a woman becomes aroused the spot will begin to swell and become more pronounced.

Using the soft pad of your finger begin stroking the area by sliding your finger in and out. Alternatively, you can curl your finger and do a “come here” type of motion, as if you are trying to pull that spot out of her. Start off using light pressure and slow speed and gradually increase. Pay close attention to how she responds to figure out what speed and pressure she likes best. It is a good idea to start off with one finger, but once she is comfortable with that switch to two fingers. It provides greater stimulation and allows you to apply really firm pressure for a longer period of time without tiring.

Some experienced women can reach vaginal orgasm within a few minutes, but for most women it will take longer. This is especially true if she has not had one before. Once she understands what that feeling is like when you stimulate her this way she is going to know what she is looking for, so she will be able to come quicker and quicker each time.

When you feel her vaginal walls expand and contract around your fingers this is a sure indication that she is close to a vaginal orgasm. Keep on stimulating her the same way and do not let her contractions force your fingers out. When the woman orgasms you will feel a flow of wetness inside her, completely different from normal vaginal lubrication and her body may spasm uncontrollably. Just reassure her and keep doing what you are doing.

Fountain orgasm

Once the girl climaxes she may experience female ejaculation, also called fountain orgasm. This is an even stronger type of orgasm that occurs when a woman comes so hard that she actually ejaculates during the orgasm. As mentioned before, the g-spot swells up when the girl approaches an orgasm. This swelling comes from the urethral sponge located behind the g-spot which fills up with liquid. When the woman experiences a powerful orgasm this liquid may get pushed out of her urethra. This is one of the most powerful orgasms a woman can experience and not all women may be able to achieve it. When you feel that the girl is close to climaxing you can help her reach it by pressing firmly on the erect g-spot.

A woman who is inexperienced with fountain orgasms may mistake the feeling with the urge to pee. She will then clench her PC muscle to hold it back and the ejaculation then has nowhere to go. Moreover, she will then only experience half the orgasm compared with if she pushes the ejaculation out. If the girl tells you that she feels like she is about to urinate, assure her that it is near impossible for her to pee and that she should just let go. The quantity of liquid that is squirted out can vary a lot, from a light gushing to an actual drenching spray. Have some towels handy.

Continuous orgasm

After a vaginal orgasm chances are the girl may want a break. On the other hand, if you get the impression that she is ready for more you can go for another round as women are able to have multiple vaginal orgasms with no let-up in between. Instead of letting her come down you keep on stimulating her right through and after her orgasm. This can be done using your fingers, through intercourse or with toys. With each successive orgasm she will reach higher and higher levels of arousal, to the point when her orgasms will start to become indistinct and blend into each other. This is called the continuously orgasmic state and is considered the most intense orgasm that a girl can experience.


After giving the girl an orgasm she will be physically and mentally ready for you. This is the time to put on the condom if you have not already. You should always practice safe sex until you know that you can trust your partner. Sex without condoms is much more pleasurable for both parties, because of the increased physical and psychological stimulation it provides. However, it is also much more risky and requires a high degree of trust in your partner in terms of birth control and STDs. It is recommended that you take an STD test together before you start to have unprotected sex.

Not all women produce enough lubrication for clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration. For this reason, keep a lubricant within reach of the bed at all times and use it as necessary. With a lubricant you will also be able to have sex without any foreplay, which adds another level of variation for both of you. Most condoms are somewhat lubricated, but they rarely have enough of it so you may want to provide some of your own. Be sure to use a water-based lubricant in combination with condoms to avoid weakening the latex. If you do not have a lubricant available you can use saliva instead.

When you enter the girl do so slowly while maintaining eye contact. See how she responds. If she experiences pain you may want to slow down further or apply more lubrication. Start moving gently and gradually increase the speed until you find a good rhythm. When you feel a position is getting too repetitive, switch to another one. You have to keep your pace for her to orgasm, but until she is close to that stage you can add in a lot of variety. You can vary your speed, rhythm, angle, penetration technique and how deep you go, as well as which sexual positions you use. Remember the location of the g-spot and clitoris. To help the girl orgasm from penetration sex you should use positions that allow you to rub against one of these spots.

The Missionary position is the most common sexual position and is a good place to start, although it is not very stimulating for the girl. Two variations of the Missionary position are the Nirvana and the Hero. With Nirvana you shift your body a bit forward to rub against her clitoris. With the Hero position you raise the girl’s knees up and back towards her chest, thereby changing the penetration angle to allow you to rub against her g-spot. These are just two examples. See this site for 100 sexual positions together with illustrations.

Keep in mind not to focus just on the groin during sex. Let your hands and mouth play and caress other parts of your lover’s body. You can for example play with her breasts, squeeze her buttocks, smell her hair or gently bite her neck. It adds to her arousal and is a lot of fun.

How to last longer

Most guys cannot control how long they last. One moment they are lost in ecstasy, the next it is all over. Ejaculation is triggered too fast and once spent their arousal drops like a stone. The average intercourse is only four minutes long, whereas you want at least to have the option of lasting for 45 minutes or more – at the very least, long enough for her to have a penetration orgasm. This is not as difficult as it may sound and with a few simple techniques you will be able to last virtually however long you want, until your partner is sexually satisfied and you are ready to join in that pleasurable sensation too.

The main thing about controlling how long you last is to be aware of your own level of arousal. Consider a man’s arousal to be a scale between 0 and 10, where 0 is no arousal and 10 is ejaculation. On this scale you should be between 7 and 8 during sex, the pleasure zone. At 9 you are too near the point of no return. To maintain the 7–8 level of arousal you have a number of techniques at your disposal.

  1. Breathing – Take slow, deep breaths. It clears your mind, relaxes you and improves your stamina. In contrast, most men’s breathing get shallow and fast when they get excited, which is terrible for their stamina.
  2. Physical relaxation – Keep your body relaxed instead of tensed up. This will improve your stamina and give you greater control. Again, most guys tend to tense up during sex.
  3. Mental relaxation – Let yourself be in the moment and in your senses instead of in your head. By enjoying the various sensations you have you will be able to diffuse pleasure throughout your whole body.
  4. Speed control – As the man you control the speed in most positions. If you feel yourself getting close to the point of no return you can slow yourself down or even stop. You have to keep your pace for her to orgasm, but do not feel you need to go faster and faster.
  5. Position – Positions where the man is parallel to the girl tend to be more stimulating for the man than positions where he is coming in at an angle. Likewise, positions where the girl is moving instead of you will allow you to more easily maintain your level of arousal.
  6. Pulling – In most sexual positions you have the option of pushing her into you instead of thrusting into her. This feels the same to the girl, but it decreases the drain on your stamina. As you are not moving you will be able to stay as relaxed as you need to maintain your level of arousal.
  7. Control – How long you last in the bedroom is not always about penetration. Instead of getting overexcited you can change what you are doing at any time. Switching position, pulling out, teasing her, doing 69, giving oral stimulation and generally deciding the outcome of the experience.
  8. Condom – Wearing a thicker or performance enhancing condom is an easy and not too suspicious way to reduce your sensitivity and help you to last longer.
  9. Diversion – Press the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, a simple yet effective diversion tactic that is unknown to your lover. Be careful not to do it too much or you are no longer enjoying the experience.

Male multiple orgasms

It is possible to achieve multiple orgasms as a man without losing arousal in between. The key is to realize that the orgasm is different from the ejaculation. While the ejaculation kills arousal, the orgasm actually increases it. Although the orgasm normally accompanies the ejaculation, it is possible to achieve pre-ejaculatory orgasms without the accompanying ejaculation. The orgasm alone lasts far longer than the ejaculation high and instead of fading the arousal gets stronger with each successive orgasm.

Achieving multiple orgasms requires you to have a high degree of control over your stamina and where you are on the arousal scale in order to avoid ejaculating. The key is to bring yourself as close to the point of no return as you humanly can without crossing it. Once you are there, cease the stimulation and tighten your PC muscle. The PC muscle is located directly behind the testicles and is the muscle used to control the flow of urine. Tightening this muscle will help to trigger the orgasm signal. If you have mistakenly gone past the point of no return then clenching the PC muscle tightly can also prevent you from ejaculating. Another method is to squeeze right below the head of your penis. This pushes blood out and represses the ejaculatory response.

Let the arousal fall for 10–30 seconds to 3–4 on the arousal scale before you continue. Then slowly work your way up the scale again and repeat the process. Each time you bring yourself to the point of no return your body expects a payoff. If it does not get one your body will invent its own orgasm. This will not happen immediately but by practicing this for several sessions and with several pauses in each session you can retrain your body to experience it every time. You can practice this on your own before you do it with your lover and it does not matter if you end with an ejaculation or not.

Outlast her

Even after the act of ejaculating you have the option to continue. You can keep going and ignore the drop in arousal. Keep kissing her, caressing her and using your foreplay skills until you recover and are ready for the next round, and the next. Most men last much longer the second time around and with practice you will be able to last longer the first time as well.

You want to outlast her. Get her to say that you need to stop. She will brag about how long you lasted to her girlfriends and if you create an open relationship with her she will want to share you. Keep in mind that anything from kissing is considered sex for women.


It is important to show affection after sex as this is when she is most emotionally vulnerable. This is especially true the first time if you want to take the relationship further. You can hold her in your arms, kiss her and tell her how much she means to you and how amazing the sex was. This lets you solidify the emotional and physical connection you have built during the courtship. It also alleviates any fears she may have, that you will not respect her or that you do not care for her.

Do not let what you have built go to waste by acting platonic or leaving her after sex. Hang out with her afterwards. Show her that you will stick around if she wants you to. Bring her water, cuddle with her and make her feel good. You can also end with something classy, such as sharing a bubble bath or feeding her grapes.

S1 – Foreplay

After C3 the seduction phases begin, the first of which is S1 – Foreplay. The goal in foreplay is to sexually arouse the girl. This happens more slowly for women than for men. As such, take your time and turn her on for at least 15–30 minutes. Enjoy the process more than the goal. The way to turn her on is through teasing and slowly escalating kino, which basically means you can just do more of what you have already been doing through your kino escalation. The only difference is that you can now move closer to the overtly sexual parts of her body.

A woman’s resistance to sex is often about her wanting a different pace then the man. Take things slowly and demonstrate that you understand the process of sexually arousing a woman, the steps involved, and that you have control of yourself and the situation. If you can turn her on without any overtly sexual touching it will make things easier. Once she is turned on she will feel that sex was her idea and she will initiate the sexual gestures – such as grinding, touching or sex talk – and there will be no more resistance. On the other hand, if she is not turned on progressing will only cause more resistance.

Seduction area

Once the girl is comfortable you can start building the seduction environment. This will set the mood and create momentum for the foreplay. When she comes into a seduction location it is natural, so you can ask her to assist you in changing the comfort area into a seduction area. After all, you want the seduction to be mutual.

You might start with, “Can you light those candles? I’m going to turn down the lights”. Follow it up with, “Why don’t you go wash up, I’m going to find some incense”. When she comes back from the washroom continue with “Close the blinds for me, I’m going to go wash up”. Washing up is not only polite, but will also make her more comfortable with what is to come. Overall, act as if sex is normal and not special. If she is uncomfortable doing any of these routines you need to build more comfort first.


Kissing is an important part of foreplay and is how you transition into it. It can be as easy as her laughing at something you said and you reach over and start kissing her. Instead of releasing the kiss as you have done before, you keep it going and begin escalating. Caress the back of her neck to show that you mean business. Your kino escalation now transitions into foreplay.

A word about kissing. When you want to kiss the girl make sure that your lips are moist and not dry. This is what the chapstick is for. It may be flavored or non-flavored depending on your taste. Improving your breath, for example with breath mints, is a good idea, though it is not essential unless you have just eaten.

If the girl keeps on talking when you want to go for the kiss, you can give her the gesture of silence by placing a finger in front of your lips, along with a sly smile. Give her a seductive gaze as you pull her in close. Maintain eye contact until her lips reach yours. Make sure to lean your head so you do not collide with her nose. Start off slow with soft, gentle kisses before you go for more intense kisses.

With your mouth there are four techniques you can experiment with: sucking, licking, biting and massaging. For example, you can gently nibble on her lip or use your tongue to trace along it. Wait 30 seconds before you introduce the tongue. It should be soft and not stiff.


Whereas arousal for guys goes from the crotch outwards, women are the opposite. For this reason, you should deliberately avoid, but come very close to, her erogenous zones. The more you run your hands over her body without touching these places, the more she will want you to. It builds anticipation and boosts her arousal.

As you are kissing, you can start running your hands over her body, first above her clothes and later under them. To get beneath her clothes you can pull up her shirt a bit and go from there. Make sure that your hands are warm before you touch her bare skin.

In the beginning, a light slow touch is what turns most women on, without it being overtly sexual. This is heavily contrasted later by pulling, grabbing, and other passionate physical displays that women really enjoy. During sexual arousal the sensitivity of the skin is heightened, and so sensations that ordinary would be painful can become intensely pleasurable. For example, pinching her bottom or giving her sensual bites.

If her hands are not on you already, you can help her along by guiding them. She wants to touch you, but she may need your permission first. To give it you can take her hand and place it on you, for example on your leg or your back. From there she may start caressing and escalating on her own. The added bonus is that as she is touching you she will become more turned on as well. Another variant is to have her take your hand and then let her lead it over her own body, to show you what she likes.

Trying to put your hand on her breast before she is aroused may cause her to take your hand away, because it feels uncomfortable. What you can do instead is to start at the neck and then slide your hand downwards with intent, over her breast and body. It conveys exactly what you want to convey. A similar move is to run your fingertips from her upper leg towards her crotch, and then pulling away just before you reach it. Alternatively, you can take the opportunity to test if she is comfortable being touched between the legs, by placing your hand near her crotch and just leaving it there for a while. Read how she is feeling about it. If she accepts the move you can for example undo the top button of her pants and slide your fingers down to test the waters.

Another routine is to move her around into different positions, and grind against her, while you are still kissing her. You might push her down on the couch or move her on top of you, just like in the movies. Continue this and tease her erogenous zones until she is very aroused. She will get to the point very soon where she wants you to have sex with her. Once she starts grinding back or taking your clothes off you will have created the necessary arousal and you can then proceed with undressing her.


If you are not at the bedroom already, now is the time to lead her over there. On the bed you can start undressing her ever-so-slowly. After each piece of clothing is removed, pause for a minute or two and build her up a bit before moving on. The key is making sure she wants the next step before you get there. This means taking your time.

Begin with removing her socks, then her top and her bra (like a pro). The removal of the clothes should be subtext, so keep it smooth. You should be focusing on kissing her or maintaining eye contact while you are doing it. Move on to her pants next and her undies last. Give her a chance to undress you as well. If she does not go for it, you can either lead her hands into doing it or you can just do it yourself. Remove your clothing in the same order as you remove hers – socks first and then top to bottom. As you are going for her clothes you may have to deal with some last minute resistance, which is the subject of the next chapter.

C2 – Trust

An important part in Comfort is trust building, which is the focus of the second Comfort phase. The girl needs to be able to trust that you are not going to make her feel uncomfortable. She needs to feel that she is safe with you and that you are not someone who is going to take advantage of her as soon as you are alone.

Trust is needed to get the girl to comply with your requests. The way to build trust is to start with small requests and then move on to progressively larger requests. As the girl complies with a request, and it turns out alright and fun, her level of trust in you increases.

Trust building ladder

The trust building ladder starts in A3 when you temporarily isolate the girl. As that turns out well, trust is built for isolating the girl for a longer time in C1. The next level is gained when you move the girl within the venue, which builds trust for leaving the venue together in C2. The last level of trust is established when the girl follows you to the seduction location for C3. Each level builds upon the previous one. For example, if the girl is not comfortable being alone with you she will be far less comfortable going home with you.

More important than the actual steps in the trust building ladder is how you handle her resistance. She needs to feel that you will not push her to do things she does not want to do – whether through kino escalation, jumps or other activities. If you push her in any way it will shatter the trust you have very quickly. If a girl resists a request, like a venue change, you should not push the issue and try to change her mind. Focus on changing her mood instead. As soon as the girl says, “I don’t want to”, move away from that conversation thread. Just move on to something else – another story, topic or game – and then go for the venue change again later. She will be more likely to go for it then.

When handling her resistance you should have an attitude of indifference. This means that you do not make a big deal out of things and do not appear emotionally invested in any particular outcome. It is a powerful frame to have. Will she stay with you? Will she sleep with you? You could not care less. You are just there in the moment having fun with her. As such, you will not react emotionally when she rejects your requests or advances.

Trust can also be built by demonstrating that you trust her. For example, as you head to the bathroom you can drop off an accessory, such as a hat, and say, “Guard my hat. Beat up anyone who tries to steal it!” You can also share a perceived personal secret or vulnerability with her, conveying that you trust her not to share it with others.


When you are both comfortably settled at one place it is time to introduce a jump so that things do not get stale. In the game plan, there are three ways of jumping from one location to the next.

  1. Venue move – You move within the current venue.
  2. Venue change – You move to a different venue for an instant date.
  3. Time bridge – You plan a meeting.

You need to calibrate the move to the girl’s trust level. Begin by moving her within the current venue, as that requires the least amount of trust. Once you are able to do that with ease, you can move her to one or more nearby venues for more comfort building. As you leave the meeting venue together with the girl the second Comfort phase begins – C2 Trust. It is named so because this mini-dating greatly speeds up the trust building process. It can also be a lot of fun.

Venue move

Here are a few example moves for the club scene:

  • Friends – Take her to meet your friends. “You know what, I’m here with some very cool friends, and I’m going to introduce you to them.”
  • Socializing – Take her to meet new people in the club.
  • Dance – Take her to the dance floor. Do not get caught in a dance marathon. Just spin her around for a while and take the opportunity to do plenty of kino.
  • Scenery change – Take her to see different parts of the venue.
  • Drink – Take her to go get a drink at the bar. Water is good. You should not pay for her drink.

The best time to go for a venue move is during an emotional highpoint. For example, while she is laughing say, “Come on, let’s go”. Because she is filled with positive emotions she is going to go for it. Be sure to project clearly that you are leading. Give her visual signals to go along with you or even take her hand and physically lead her.

Venue change

A venue change is an instant date that you take the girl on, along with her group if necessary. This change of scenery is a powerful trust building technique. You may have met at the current venue as strangers, but once you leave you are suddenly together. It sets up a psychological frame of her being there with you.

Every time she compromises her safety by going to a new place with you, and it turns out alright, you are building trust. The more venues you visit the more memories she has with you. By doing this multiple times you establish a trust building cycle. She gets memories of being in different situations with you feeling comfortable, which establishes a level of trust that may take a month of dating to establish otherwise. That is the beauty of the instant date. It is an easy way to develop comfort and trust. It also sets up a pattern of you leading her from one interesting, enjoyable experience to another. It creates a kind of adventure scenario. As you walk from one place to the next that is a great opportunity to hold her hand or walk arm-in-arm.

Venue change example

Before you go out it is a good idea to have a firm grasp of all the cool places in your area. The bars, clubs, coffee shops, pool halls, arcades and so on. These are places to which you can venue change, in addition to your own place. To suggest the venue change be simple and direct, implying that you are in control and not easily distractible. Here are some short examples of how to initiate a venue change:

  • Club – “You know, I want to switch up the scene a little bit. Let’s go.”
  • Coffee shop – “I’d love to hear more of this, but I need to get some coffee at Starbucks. Let’s continue the conversation there.”
  • Restaurant – “I’m going to grab a bite to eat. You’re welcome to tag along. We’ll be back in 10 minutes.” You do not have to come back.
  • After party – “Dude, we’re bouncing. Come with? The party’s moving!”
  • Your place – “I know a much better place than this. Drinks are cheaper and it’s a lot more comfortable. Come on.” And lead her right back to your place.

If the girl has friends in the current venue or seems hard to move, you need to overhype the new venue. Build emotions into it and make it sound like the coolest thing you could ever do, no matter how ridiculous it is. You also need to give her the logical reasons for going, in order to take the burden of accountability off her shoulders. She can then explain this to her friends so that she is free to go and have fun.

Time bridge

When you get interrupted in Comfort or run out of time, you have to bridge the time so you can get back to seeing the girl and continue another time. This is called a time bridge. When you are with her you establish the other side of the time bridge by making plans. It is not just exchanging phone numbers or e-mails. You should make actual plans to see each other again, as that is the goal. If you only get her phone number without setting a date then it is not likely to lead anywhere. You should have the second meeting planned out before you leave her so that you do not have to try and convince her over the phone.

Time bridge example

You need to have a stock time bridge ready that involves an exciting activity. Avoid typical dating activities such as a dinner or movie that make her the event. In fact, avoid using the word “date” as that implies that she is the prize. Preferably, you want an activity that you are going to be doing anyway where she can tag along. By not making her the event, she will be more likely to come along. It does not have to be an extraordinary event. Just going shopping can be made into an adventure if you frame it that way.

The pattern to use when inviting a girl is to mention something really cool that you are going to do. You are telling her about your interesting life and giving her an opportunity to be part of it. Preferably, you want her to invite herself. If she does not bite at this, you can be more direct and tell her to come along. Either way you should communicate that it would be fun if she joined you, but that you do not need her there for you to be happy. You are living your life fully, doing the things you like and pushing forward. You come from a place of abundance and you are going to have fun whether she is there or not. It is a powerful frame to have.

Getting her contact info

After you have established the time bridge you have a legitimate reason to get her number. The key to getting the number is to confidently tell her to give it. You say “What’s your number?” or “Give me your number”. You do not ask for her number, as this would make her less likely to give it. For extra charm points give her a pad of paper and a pen with which to write her number down. As an artistic challenge, you can tell her to also draw a picture of herself and sign it.


Girls are emotional beings and may flake on dates, even with men they genuinely like. To further commit her to the event you can lend her one of your accessories – such as a cheap necklace. Explain to her that it means a lot to you and that you want her to give it back to you when you next meet. For example, take off the necklace and say, “I want you to hold on to this. It’s very important to me. You have to promise to give it back to me the next time we meet. Okay?” This will increase the likelihood of seeing her again. Another strategy for reducing flakiness would be to make sure to leave her on an up note.


The primary alternative to the time bridge is the extraction – taking her home with you that night. There is no reason to draw it out if that is your objective. She wants to go home with you that night. She just needs you to help her figure that out and not feel bad about it. Before you are at that level you can set up a time bridge instead.

Kino Escalation

There are a fixed number of physical steps from meeting a girl to sleeping with her. You need to know what these steps are and how to move smoothly from one to the next. This is the process of kino escalation, where kino means touch. Kino escalation is done in steps, slowly over time, with the goal of making the girl progressively more comfortable with your touch and proximity.

As the man, it is your job to initiate and escalate the physical contact. You cannot rely on the girl to take these steps. Most girls do not dare. Furthermore, if you do not escalate the girl may place you in the friend zone and assume you are only interested in friendship. Trying to suddenly go for a kiss will then seem inappropriate. You instead want the kiss to be a natural part of the escalation.

Traditionally, men are expected to take the risks and lead the way through the entire series of physical steps towards sex. This gives the girl the power to reject him at any step on the way. Although you must be the one who takes the steps, you do not have to take the risks. If you understand how to move smoothly from one step to the next you can avoid these issues altogether.

Time frame

Kino escalation starts in the Attraction phases and continues all the way to Sex. Try to get physical right from the beginning, as soon as you know there is attraction, and then continue escalating slowly over a number of hours. The escalation is based on her comfort level, not on any time limit. Your comfort level as the man is not really an issue. It is the girl’s comfort level that dictates the pace of the game.

You need to limit your kino escalation according to the location you are in. Otherwise you may embarrass the girl and lower her social value, which will only reduce her comfort instead of increasing it. If she is with her friends or in a public venue only light kino may be appropriate. To go further, into mid and heavy kino, you should first isolate the girl or move her to a more private venue.

For most kino escalation steps you should be sitting down next to her, on a couch or similar area. This opens up the most options. The best time to go for an escalation is when she is at an emotional highpoint, or you can create the mood you want as part of the kino routine.

Be aware that a girl who likes you will often touch you a lot to help build the physical connection. The girl may also skip ahead to a later kino escalation step than the one you were on, in which case you can also skip ahead to that step by reciprocating her touch. Whenever the girl escalates, you can consider all lower levels of kino to be unlocked. Furthermore, the girl may also drop hints that she wants you to escalate, such as looking at your lips to indicate that she wants to be kissed. Make sure that you are open for anything and take it as far as it will go that night.

Kino steps

There are a certain number of kino escalation steps in the game plan. There are only so many things you can do to advance your relationship physically. It is important to memorize these steps. You do not need to do all of them, but there is a particular order to them. In essence, you start with neutral, playful touch and step by step increase the intimacy of your touch without making her too uncomfortable.

Light kino

Start first with light kino to break the initial physical barrier. This is short, almost incidental kino that you can use in a public setting. You focus on the most public parts of her body: hands, arms and shoulders. Your touch should be friendly and playful, the same way that you would touch your buddies. It makes her feel more comfortable and shows her that you are physically compatible. Keep it light and do not linger. As long as you keep things playful she will not resist the touch, as opposed to you trying to take something from her. Here are a few examples:

  1. Greeting – When you are introduced to a girl that is a good opportunity to start breaking down the physical barrier. Rather than going for a regular handshake, introduce yourself in a way that immediately sets you apart and makes her remember you. For example, by giving her the rock or some other special greeting that you have made up.
  2. Accidental arm touch – While talking to her you can lightly brush against her arm.
  3. Emphasis – You can touch her arm with the back of your hand to emphasize a point in the conversation.
  4. Shoulder touch – Briefly touch her shoulder while speaking, as if pulling her in to hear you better.
  5. Poking – Lightly tap her arm or shoulder to reclaim her attention if it temporarily wanders.
  6. Patting – When the girl says something even remotely uncool, you can pat her on the shoulder and shake your head.
  7. Palm reading – Put out your hand with the palm up and tell the girl to give you her hand. When she gives it, study her palm intently and gently trace the lines in her palm with your finger. Then, give her a look as if you now have her figured out and let go of her hand. When she asks what you saw, make something up that leads the interaction forward.
  8. Short handholding – Another cold reading routine you can use when you have her hand is to place two fingers on her wrist, as if checking her pulse. Then say, “Just as I thought, you’re attracted to me. The heart never lies.” as you give her hand back.
  9. Thumb-wrestling – This is a great game to use when challenging the girl to do something. You always want to win.
  10. High five – Can be used for instance to highlight a commonality you share.

Mid kino

After she is comfortable with light kino you progress to mid kino. This kino is still playful, but a bit more intimate and overt. You can now go for slightly more private body parts such as her back, waist and legs. At this level longer touches can also be introduced. However, before you do it is a good idea to perform a short or incidental kino escalation move around that area first, to test her comfort level before you go for a longer touch. For instance, you can let your leg brush against hers, or gently tap her thigh while making a point, to see if she would be comfortable with longer kino on her legs. Here are some more mid kino escalation examples:

  1. Tickling – Start tickling her and get into a tickle fight. Any physical play like this is great for building comfort.
  2. Arm-in-arming – As you are walking you can lock arm in arm with her to escort her.
  3. Hugging – Can be used for instance to reward her when she has done something good.
  4. Hand on her leg – Put your hand on her knee. Then, when she expects that is all you will do you squeeze her knee, going from sensual to playful in an instant.
  5. Hand on your leg – Take her hand and place it on your leg.
  6. Dancing – If you have a dance floor you can take advantage of that to get some serious kino going. Ask her, “You know how to dance?” When she says <Yes!> say “Let’s go” as you take her hand and lead her to the dance floor.
  7. Hand play – Let your fingers play with her hand. Keep in mind that as with most kino escalation this is just subtext. Your conversation should not reflect what you are doing.
  8. Soft touch – Run your fingertips slowly over the backside of her hand, her inner arm or neck. This touch can feel really good.
  9. Caressing back – Put your hand on her back and start caressing her. Then, when she expects you to be sensual you go back to being playful by tickling her or snapping her bra.
  10. Stomach touch – While you talk about fitness you can give her a compliment on her flat stomach as you slide your hand over it. When you do this you can get a sense for whether she would be comfortable with a longer touch around that area, such as having your hand around her waist.

Heavy kino

When she is comfortable with mid kino you can move on to heavy kino. This includes more intimate areas – such as her neck and facial area: ears, lips and hair. Note that this is still comfort building. Heavy kino does not include erogenous zones such as her breasts, crotch or inner thighs. Those areas are not paid any direct attention until Foreplay, where the intent is sexual arousal. Making out can arouse you, so make sure not to cross the line until you are at a seduction location. As with mid kino, you can go for incidental touches first before you go for more overt ones.

  1. Hair play – Run your hand through her hair or twirl it around while looking into her eyes. To see if she would be comfortable with you touching her hair, you can lead up to it by for instance brushing a stray hair out of her face.
  2. Hair pull – Reach behind her neck and gently pull a fistful of her hair downwards. It feels really good.
  3. Smelling – In the middle of a conversation you can reach over and smell her neck. Say “Mmm, you smell so… good” and then continue on with the conversation.
  4. Biting – Pull her close and say “I want to bite you”. Then give her a little bite on the neck.
  5. Sit on lap – Take her hand and move it above her head so that she spins around. Then, when her back is towards you, sit her down on your lap and hug her from behind.
  6. Arm around shoulder – Slide your hand along her shoulder and let it rest there in a 90-degree angle. It is protective and shows a strong masculine presence.
  7. Massage – Tell her you give a mean shoulder massage and let her have one.
  8. Kissing with release – There are many good techniques for kissing a girl. One would be to put on some flavored chapstick and say, “You know what the best part about chapstick is? Here, smell it”. Let her smell it and then continue, “It not only smells like strawberries, it actually tastes like strawberries too. Check it out”. And then you go in and kiss her.
  9. French kissing – This is the borderline between heavy kino and foreplay kino. It is a good idea to kiss the girl normally before you start making out with her.

Kino routines

Every single kino is a routine. This means that you create a scenario for each kino step where it happens naturally and smoothly. Being smooth is about being able to escalate without the girl resisting it. There are only so many ways to escalate and so many possible responses she can give, so you should prepare for these. Develop your own 10–15 or so routines for escalating and have them planned out in your mind. Once you know the process and can see it clearly, there is almost a 100% chance of success when going from one step to the next and she will enjoy it so much more. Here is a sample routine:

“You know, I can’t hang out with girls who don’t give good hugs. Do you give good hugs?” <Yeah> “Prove it.” She gives you a hug and you say, “That was about a six”. Then show her how it is done by giving her a really good hug, heart to heart.

Notice that the routine starts with a challenge, baiting her to give you the kino. If she takes the bait and goes for the kino you playfully disqualify her and then go for the escalation without any risk of rejection. Two more ways to make the kino escalation natural are through the game frame and the teaching-her-something frame.

The example also involves reverse kino escalation, where you have the girl escalate for you. In general, the girl will be more comfortable touching you than with you touching her. Furthermore, when she touches you her kino comfort level rises and she will be more comfortable receiving the same kino from you. Here is another routine:

“Are you good at whispering in people’s ears?” <What?> “Okay, I’ll go first. Lean over slowly and slide your hand behind her neck. Gently grab the back of her hair, put your lips right at her ear and whisper, “Never mind” before leaning back.

In addition to making her more comfortable with your proximity, this routine communicates that you know how to touch a woman and that you understand anticipation and sexual teasing.

Kino routine steps

There are three steps in a kino escalation routine.

  1. Perform the kino step.
  2. Sense how comfortable she is with it.
  3. Release the kino.

The first time you perform a kino escalation move on a girl you should soon release it. The withdrawal is what amplifies the attraction and makes her want the kino more. It is both a push forward and a pull back, the emotional roller coaster ride that women love. After she has accepted an escalation step she will be open to receiving the kino for longer periods of time.

When people are attracted to each other they want to touch each other. We like to be touched by people we like. However, the girl will tend to feel some discomfort from the escalation, as you are pushing her boundaries. Therefore, every time you make an escalation move on a girl, you need to calibrate to see whether she is comfortable with the move or not.

If she feels uncomfortable with the kino escalation you should release it before she has time to resist. Step back so that there is nothing to resist from. Do not take it personally. She is not saying “No”, she is saying, “Not yet, have more fun with me.” To get to the next level you first need to make her comfortable with this level. To bring this about you can demonstrate disinterest as a result of her resistance. You can, for example, throw the kino away, express disinterest with words, verbally disengage or give her negative body language for a moment. The sense of loss from your release will make her feel more discomfort, as if she did something wrong to turn you off, and she will feel compelled to come chase you. Wait for her to bring something back to the interaction. If she does not, reinitiate the interaction by either going for the escalation again or moving on to the next routine. Her discomfort during this freeze out will be greater than her unease at the original touch and so she will be more welcoming of the second attempt.

When the girl accepts a kino move, or even shows that she enjoys it, that kino level is unlocked. Even though she is comfortable with the kino you should still release it, so as to make her want more of it and not to make it appear as if the chase is over. This keeps things fun, interesting and unpredictable for her. For example, when you find something she really likes, you can stop doing it. Make her really want it before you tease her with a little bit more of it. You can keep bringing such kino steps back as a spice several times in Comfort, when she is least expecting it. By teasing her – doing a little bit and then stopping – you build anticipation, which is something that all women love.

The second time you or she initiates a kino step you can let it continue longer. The idea is after all that you want the kino. You should still be the one who ends it though. For example, you can tell the girl, “We better slow down” or “That’s all you get, don’t get any ideas” as you do the release. You need to watch her reactions to know when to throw off the kino. When she is comfortable with one level of kino, you can perform a few other routines for a while and then move on to the next level of kino.

Escalation guidelines

A key thing about kino escalation is that if it is a big deal to you then it becomes a big deal for her. Therefore, when you escalate do not make a big deal about it, because it is not. If you think it is natural then it is and she will perceive it so too. Be congruent so it does not seem awkward or contrived. Show a strong intent and be sure to expect a positive outcome. A lot of times the best way to move things forward is just to give commands: “Come here”, “Give me your hand”, “Sit down”, “Let’s go”. Girls are attracted to a guy that takes the initiative and leads the situation. If you feel hesitant whether to go for it or not, just remember that it is always on and go for it. Make it happen.

A2 – Female to Male Attract

Once you have the girl’s attention in A1 you move on to A2 – Female to Male Attract. In this second phase the goal is to make the girl attracted to you. This is done by demonstrating value to her, mainly by conveying your attractive personality. Through this the girl will become interested in you, which leads to attraction.

Demonstrations of higher value

While talking to the girl in A2, make it apparent to her that you are a worthy and interesting guy. You want to convey that you have value and that you are not someone she can just dismiss. This is done through Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHVs). As a guy, you can demonstrate some value through your looks. For instance, being well groomed, having a sense of style and being physically fit are all DHVs that you can acquire to make it easier to trigger the girl’s attraction. However, your main DHVs all come from your personality. These have to be conveyed verbally – or through your actions and body language – during your interaction with the girl.

DHV routines

In order to get the girl interested, you need to be interesting. This is what DHV routines are about. They are routines that allow you to command the girl’s attention in a fun way, while conveying your attractive personality to her. Before the A2 phase your value is low, but as you perform DHV routines you will push up your status and get her interested in what you have to say. You want to make it apparent that you are doing this for your own amusement, and not to try and get something from her or impress her, as that would have the reverse effect.

The main DHV routine is storytelling. Convey your identity through interesting, personality-conveying stories that highlight your strengths in entertaining ways. The stories you tell should be taken from your own life, so go through your experiences and write down the best DHV stories you have – stories that show what you have to offer and what makes you the guy that she wants to be with. You should not tell a longwinded story, so cut out the boring parts. Just keep the emotional highs and lows. In addition to being interesting and conveying your personality and strengths, you should embed elements of you being an alpha male into the stories. The foremost attributes of the alpha male that you want to convey are:

  • Dominance – You are the leader of your group. A man with power and choice.
  • Confidence – You have a strong belief in yourself and your abilities. You get things done and go for what you want in life.
  • Fun – You are fun, adventurous and interesting to be around. You are living your life fully.
  • Warmth – You are loyal and caring to those who have aligned themselves with you.

Other DHV routines you can use are, for example, games, cold reading, informational or entertaining pieces, playfulness and teasing. More about these later.

Indicators of interest

When a girl is attracted to you she will signal it through Indicators of Interest (IOIs). This will happen both consciously and unconsciously. Some are subtle, others less so. Here are a number of typical IOIs:

  • Body orientation – She turns her body, legs or feet towards you.
  • Body language – She leans in or uses open, inviting body language.
  • Mirroring – She mirrors your actions or aspects of your body language.
  • Rapport – She smiles and giggles to show rapport with you.
  • Preening – She performs fix-yourself-up gestures, such as letting her hair down or flicking it around.
  • Touch – She touches you or herself.
  • Eye contact – She has prolonged eye contact.
  • Communication – She socially engages you. For example, asks a question about you or invests in storytelling of her own.
  • Name exchange – She asks for your name.

IOI Tests

If it is not apparent, you can determine the girl’s attraction level through IOI tests. Essentially, you perform an action and then judge her reaction. Here are some example tests:

  • If you do not say anything, does she reinitiate the conversation?
  • If you do a random high five or give her the rock, is she into it?
  • If you walk around, does she sort of follow you?
  • If you poke her, does she poke you back?
  • If you put your hand up, does she take it?
  • If you place her hand on your knee, does it stay there?
  • If you take her hand and squeeze it, does she squeeze back? If you go limp, does she pick up the slack?
  • If you play with her fingers, does she play with yours?
  • If you put your arm around her, does she lean in or stay stiff?

If she does not respond to your test with an IOI do not take it personally. Just keep on running your DHV routines and try again later. Keep in mind that IOI tests are usually subtext. That is, you do not talk about them unless that is part of a routine.

Using DHV routines and IOI tests, you should elicit three IOIs before you move on to the A3 phase. After A2 you do not need to look for IOIs anymore. Just assume that it is always on, as long as she is still there talking with you. What this will do is that even if the girl is not that into you, your state will stay up and sooner or later she will be into you even if she was not before.

A3 Waypoint

Before going off into A3 there is an important question you need to ask when you are in a group setting. The question is, “So, how does everyone know each other?” This is a one liner that will allow you to establish the relationships so that you know how to play the group.