Once the girl is attracted to you it is time to move on to A3, the third Attraction phase. The main point in A3 is to qualify the girl to see if she has the traits that you desire. By qualifying the girl you are also showing that you have high standards and that her looks alone are not enough to win you over. This makes you more attractive than someone who will take anything he can get, and she will be less judgmental about you in return.
As you qualify the girl you will also be encouraging her to demonstrate high value to you, so that you can indicate your interest to her for legitimate reasons. After all, you cannot just instantly be attracted to her because she is attracted to you. She needs to feel that you are attracted to her for reasons that go beyond her looks. A3 makes the girl feel that you legitimately like her for real reasons. She actually has to work to get you attracted to her. It makes her feel validated and builds a deeper connection.
A3 needs to take place in isolation, so if the girl is in a group you need to move her away from it before you start. Do not ask her to come with you. Instead set up a situation where the two of you are alone. Here is an example isolation move for the club scene: “Hey, let’s go for some fresh air. I want to show you something really cool.” Note the small carrot to help motivate her to come with you.
Take the girl’s hand and lead her through the crowd. As you are doing this you can perform an IOI test. Keep your hand loose and see if she picks up the slack. If she does then that is an IOI. You can then escalate into prayer hand holding position, with each finger next to each of hers.
At the A3 stage of the game you want the girl to start contributing to the conversation. You have displayed your personality and high value so now it is her turn to start working to earn your attention. This is important, because if she does not have to do anything to get you that means the chase is over and you will lose value in her eyes. Girls want a challenge.
When you arrive at the new location, lean back and wait for her to reinitiate the conversation. If she does, that is an IOI and things are good. You have given her the carrot “I want to show you something really cool” to help her along, so she will likely ask you, “What was it you wanted to show me?” Tell her, “I’ll show you in a minute, but before I do…” and switch into a A3 routine, such as, “What do you got going for you more than your looks?”
The sequence of events that takes place over and over again in A3 are:
- Bait – Ask a question to make her qualify herself to you.
- Hook – Listen to her response.
- Reel in – Indicate your interest.
- Release – Take away what you gave her.
Start by baiting her with a DHV question. That is, ask her a question that gets her to reveal something about herself that you can interpret as a DHV. If she does not want to answer the question you are still in A2. Continue with a DHV routine and try again later.
If she answers then you are in A3 and can reward her with an IOI. Reel her in by giving her a legitimate and nonphysical IOI for something she said. Preferably, you want to express your genuine interest for something she said that you like, that is interesting to you or that you have a commonality for.
Giving the girl an IOI may make her feel uncomfortable. It is flattering because she likes you already, but you do not want that IOI to make her feel discomfort. Therefore, be prepared to release the IOI if necessary. For example, by saying something like “I can’t believe you said that”, “You’re trouble for me” or “That’s it, I can’t even talk to you anymore”. Whereas the IOI pulls her towards you, the release pushes her away. It is this emotional push and pull action that amplifies her attraction and keeps things interesting.
Here is an example A3 routine:
- Bait – “What nationality are you?”
- Hook – <Swedish>
- Reel – “Really? I love Sweden. I took a trip there a few years ago and it was amazing”.
- Release – “Unfortunately, while I was there I also learned a dark secret about Swedish women. And that’s why we cannot hang out anymore.” Then playfully turn your back towards her and wait for her to come to you.
Repeat these steps a few times over the next 5-10 minutes. Make sure not to make it seem like you are interrogating her. Keep it casual. As you are getting her to qualify herself to you, you also want to allow her to talk and to ask questions about you in return. Mix in a few personality conveying routines as well.
If the girl fails to meet one of your high standards you should let her know that. For example, by saying, “You know, I was kind of into you until you said that.” It is unlikely that she will disqualify herself so badly that you will actually want to eject, but that is always an option.
Once she has qualified herself to you, you can then transition into the first Comfort phase by telling her that she has met your high standards. For example, “You know what, your first impression kind of sucked. But now that I’ve talked to you for a bit, you seem pretty fun.”
To find good qualification questions you can make a list of 10 or so non-physical traits that you want your girl to possess. For example, you may want a girl who is optimistic, spontaneous, adventurous and a free spirit. From these traits you can create interesting questions for baiting the girl to qualify herself to you. Here are a few example baits:
- What have you got going for you besides your looks?
- What’s your redeeming factor? Why do such cool guys hang out with you?
- What do you do for a living?
- What are the three best qualities you have to offer a man?
- What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
- Are you romantic/spontaneous?
- What is your philosophy of life?
- Do you work out?
- Tell me something about yourself that would make me want to get to know you better.
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- What kind of music do you like?
Qualification continues in C1 and C2, so you do not ask all of your qualification questions in A3. This is just a qualification preview to let her know that you have high standards and that you are attracted to her for reasons that go beyond her looks.
Handbook of The Game