There are a fixed number of physical steps from meeting a girl to sleeping with her. You need to know what these steps are and how to move smoothly from one to the next. This is the process of kino escalation, where kino means touch. Kino escalation is done in steps, slowly over time, with the goal of making the girl progressively more comfortable with your touch and proximity.
As the man, it is your job to initiate and escalate the physical contact. You cannot rely on the girl to take these steps. Most girls do not dare. Furthermore, if you do not escalate the girl may place you in the friend zone and assume you are only interested in friendship. Trying to suddenly go for a kiss will then seem inappropriate. You instead want the kiss to be a natural part of the escalation.
Traditionally, men are expected to take the risks and lead the way through the entire series of physical steps towards sex. This gives the girl the power to reject him at any step on the way. Although you must be the one who takes the steps, you do not have to take the risks. If you understand how to move smoothly from one step to the next you can avoid these issues altogether.
Kino escalation starts in the Attraction phases and continues all the way to Sex. Try to get physical right from the beginning, as soon as you know there is attraction, and then continue escalating slowly over a number of hours. The escalation is based on her comfort level, not on any time limit. Your comfort level as the man is not really an issue. It is the girl’s comfort level that dictates the pace of the game.
You need to limit your kino escalation according to the location you are in. Otherwise you may embarrass the girl and lower her social value, which will only reduce her comfort instead of increasing it. If she is with her friends or in a public venue only light kino may be appropriate. To go further, into mid and heavy kino, you should first isolate the girl or move her to a more private venue.
For most kino escalation steps you should be sitting down next to her, on a couch or similar area. This opens up the most options. The best time to go for an escalation is when she is at an emotional highpoint, or you can create the mood you want as part of the kino routine.
Be aware that a girl who likes you will often touch you a lot to help build the physical connection. The girl may also skip ahead to a later kino escalation step than the one you were on, in which case you can also skip ahead to that step by reciprocating her touch. Whenever the girl escalates, you can consider all lower levels of kino to be unlocked. Furthermore, the girl may also drop hints that she wants you to escalate, such as looking at your lips to indicate that she wants to be kissed. Make sure that you are open for anything and take it as far as it will go that night.
There are a certain number of kino escalation steps in the game plan. There are only so many things you can do to advance your relationship physically. It is important to memorize these steps. You do not need to do all of them, but there is a particular order to them. In essence, you start with neutral, playful touch and step by step increase the intimacy of your touch without making her too uncomfortable.
Start first with light kino to break the initial physical barrier. This is short, almost incidental kino that you can use in a public setting. You focus on the most public parts of her body: hands, arms and shoulders. Your touch should be friendly and playful, the same way that you would touch your buddies. It makes her feel more comfortable and shows her that you are physically compatible. Keep it light and do not linger. As long as you keep things playful she will not resist the touch, as opposed to you trying to take something from her. Here are a few examples:
- Greeting – When you are introduced to a girl that is a good opportunity to start breaking down the physical barrier. Rather than going for a regular handshake, introduce yourself in a way that immediately sets you apart and makes her remember you. For example, by giving her the rock or some other special greeting that you have made up.
- Accidental arm touch – While talking to her you can lightly brush against her arm.
- Emphasis – You can touch her arm with the back of your hand to emphasize a point in the conversation.
- Shoulder touch – Briefly touch her shoulder while speaking, as if pulling her in to hear you better.
- Poking – Lightly tap her arm or shoulder to reclaim her attention if it temporarily wanders.
- Patting – When the girl says something even remotely uncool, you can pat her on the shoulder and shake your head.
- Palm reading – Put out your hand with the palm up and tell the girl to give you her hand. When she gives it, study her palm intently and gently trace the lines in her palm with your finger. Then, give her a look as if you now have her figured out and let go of her hand. When she asks what you saw, make something up that leads the interaction forward.
- Short handholding – Another cold reading routine you can use when you have her hand is to place two fingers on her wrist, as if checking her pulse. Then say, “Just as I thought, you’re attracted to me. The heart never lies.” as you give her hand back.
- Thumb-wrestling – This is a great game to use when challenging the girl to do something. You always want to win.
- High five – Can be used for instance to highlight a commonality you share.
After she is comfortable with light kino you progress to mid kino. This kino is still playful, but a bit more intimate and overt. You can now go for slightly more private body parts such as her back, waist and legs. At this level longer touches can also be introduced. However, before you do it is a good idea to perform a short or incidental kino escalation move around that area first, to test her comfort level before you go for a longer touch. For instance, you can let your leg brush against hers, or gently tap her thigh while making a point, to see if she would be comfortable with longer kino on her legs. Here are some more mid kino escalation examples:
- Tickling – Start tickling her and get into a tickle fight. Any physical play like this is great for building comfort.
- Arm-in-arming – As you are walking you can lock arm in arm with her to escort her.
- Hugging – Can be used for instance to reward her when she has done something good.
- Hand on her leg – Put your hand on her knee. Then, when she expects that is all you will do you squeeze her knee, going from sensual to playful in an instant.
- Hand on your leg – Take her hand and place it on your leg.
- Dancing – If you have a dance floor you can take advantage of that to get some serious kino going. Ask her, “You know how to dance?” When she says <Yes!> say “Let’s go” as you take her hand and lead her to the dance floor.
- Hand play – Let your fingers play with her hand. Keep in mind that as with most kino escalation this is just subtext. Your conversation should not reflect what you are doing.
- Soft touch – Run your fingertips slowly over the backside of her hand, her inner arm or neck. This touch can feel really good.
- Caressing back – Put your hand on her back and start caressing her. Then, when she expects you to be sensual you go back to being playful by tickling her or snapping her bra.
- Stomach touch – While you talk about fitness you can give her a compliment on her flat stomach as you slide your hand over it. When you do this you can get a sense for whether she would be comfortable with a longer touch around that area, such as having your hand around her waist.
When she is comfortable with mid kino you can move on to heavy kino. This includes more intimate areas – such as her neck and facial area: ears, lips and hair. Note that this is still comfort building. Heavy kino does not include erogenous zones such as her breasts, crotch or inner thighs. Those areas are not paid any direct attention until Foreplay, where the intent is sexual arousal. Making out can arouse you, so make sure not to cross the line until you are at a seduction location. As with mid kino, you can go for incidental touches first before you go for more overt ones.
- Hair play – Run your hand through her hair or twirl it around while looking into her eyes. To see if she would be comfortable with you touching her hair, you can lead up to it by for instance brushing a stray hair out of her face.
- Hair pull – Reach behind her neck and gently pull a fistful of her hair downwards. It feels really good.
- Smelling – In the middle of a conversation you can reach over and smell her neck. Say “Mmm, you smell so… good” and then continue on with the conversation.
- Biting – Pull her close and say “I want to bite you”. Then give her a little bite on the neck.
- Sit on lap – Take her hand and move it above her head so that she spins around. Then, when her back is towards you, sit her down on your lap and hug her from behind.
- Arm around shoulder – Slide your hand along her shoulder and let it rest there in a 90-degree angle. It is protective and shows a strong masculine presence.
- Massage – Tell her you give a mean shoulder massage and let her have one.
- Kissing with release – There are many good techniques for kissing a girl. One would be to put on some flavored chapstick and say, “You know what the best part about chapstick is? Here, smell it”. Let her smell it and then continue, “It not only smells like strawberries, it actually tastes like strawberries too. Check it out”. And then you go in and kiss her.
- French kissing – This is the borderline between heavy kino and foreplay kino. It is a good idea to kiss the girl normally before you start making out with her.
Every single kino is a routine. This means that you create a scenario for each kino step where it happens naturally and smoothly. Being smooth is about being able to escalate without the girl resisting it. There are only so many ways to escalate and so many possible responses she can give, so you should prepare for these. Develop your own 10–15 or so routines for escalating and have them planned out in your mind. Once you know the process and can see it clearly, there is almost a 100% chance of success when going from one step to the next and she will enjoy it so much more. Here is a sample routine:
“You know, I can’t hang out with girls who don’t give good hugs. Do you give good hugs?” <Yeah> “Prove it.” She gives you a hug and you say, “That was about a six”. Then show her how it is done by giving her a really good hug, heart to heart.
Notice that the routine starts with a challenge, baiting her to give you the kino. If she takes the bait and goes for the kino you playfully disqualify her and then go for the escalation without any risk of rejection. Two more ways to make the kino escalation natural are through the game frame and the teaching-her-something frame.
The example also involves reverse kino escalation, where you have the girl escalate for you. In general, the girl will be more comfortable touching you than with you touching her. Furthermore, when she touches you her kino comfort level rises and she will be more comfortable receiving the same kino from you. Here is another routine:
“Are you good at whispering in people’s ears?” <What?> “Okay, I’ll go first. Lean over slowly and slide your hand behind her neck. Gently grab the back of her hair, put your lips right at her ear and whisper, “Never mind” before leaning back.
In addition to making her more comfortable with your proximity, this routine communicates that you know how to touch a woman and that you understand anticipation and sexual teasing.
Kino routine steps
There are three steps in a kino escalation routine.
- Perform the kino step.
- Sense how comfortable she is with it.
- Release the kino.
The first time you perform a kino escalation move on a girl you should soon release it. The withdrawal is what amplifies the attraction and makes her want the kino more. It is both a push forward and a pull back, the emotional roller coaster ride that women love. After she has accepted an escalation step she will be open to receiving the kino for longer periods of time.
When people are attracted to each other they want to touch each other. We like to be touched by people we like. However, the girl will tend to feel some discomfort from the escalation, as you are pushing her boundaries. Therefore, every time you make an escalation move on a girl, you need to calibrate to see whether she is comfortable with the move or not.
If she feels uncomfortable with the kino escalation you should release it before she has time to resist. Step back so that there is nothing to resist from. Do not take it personally. She is not saying “No”, she is saying, “Not yet, have more fun with me.” To get to the next level you first need to make her comfortable with this level. To bring this about you can demonstrate disinterest as a result of her resistance. You can, for example, throw the kino away, express disinterest with words, verbally disengage or give her negative body language for a moment. The sense of loss from your release will make her feel more discomfort, as if she did something wrong to turn you off, and she will feel compelled to come chase you. Wait for her to bring something back to the interaction. If she does not, reinitiate the interaction by either going for the escalation again or moving on to the next routine. Her discomfort during this freeze out will be greater than her unease at the original touch and so she will be more welcoming of the second attempt.
When the girl accepts a kino move, or even shows that she enjoys it, that kino level is unlocked. Even though she is comfortable with the kino you should still release it, so as to make her want more of it and not to make it appear as if the chase is over. This keeps things fun, interesting and unpredictable for her. For example, when you find something she really likes, you can stop doing it. Make her really want it before you tease her with a little bit more of it. You can keep bringing such kino steps back as a spice several times in Comfort, when she is least expecting it. By teasing her – doing a little bit and then stopping – you build anticipation, which is something that all women love.
The second time you or she initiates a kino step you can let it continue longer. The idea is after all that you want the kino. You should still be the one who ends it though. For example, you can tell the girl, “We better slow down” or “That’s all you get, don’t get any ideas” as you do the release. You need to watch her reactions to know when to throw off the kino. When she is comfortable with one level of kino, you can perform a few other routines for a while and then move on to the next level of kino.
A key thing about kino escalation is that if it is a big deal to you then it becomes a big deal for her. Therefore, when you escalate do not make a big deal about it, because it is not. If you think it is natural then it is and she will perceive it so too. Be congruent so it does not seem awkward or contrived. Show a strong intent and be sure to expect a positive outcome. A lot of times the best way to move things forward is just to give commands: “Come here”, “Give me your hand”, “Sit down”, “Let’s go”. Girls are attracted to a guy that takes the initiative and leads the situation. If you feel hesitant whether to go for it or not, just remember that it is always on and go for it. Make it happen.
Handbook of The Game