Once you have comfort with a girl you can start inviting her out to have fun. There are many ways to structure an interesting dating life that leaves you in control and deepens your relationship.
Inviting her out
When you call a girl to invite her out you can be direct and to the point. Greet her, small talk a bit and then invite her along to whatever you are going to do. Do not plan the event far in advance, it is too predictable. A day at most. Or you can just ask her, “What are you doing right now?” and invite her right on the spot. The spontaneity of that is very attractive.
If she has a legitimate reason why she cannot come with you, take her word for it. What you can do then is to give her an open invitation to hang out with you and do another activity by asking, “I want to see you this week. What day is good for you?”. Do not allow her to play any games at this stage. If she does not bring up a counter offer to the first event, or suggest a date for the second event, you can assume she is not interested. Just tell her to call you and let her go.
When setting up a meeting with a girl you should avoid the traditional dating frame. A date involves expectations that you will pay for things and keep her entertained. It sets up the frame incorrectly, of you courting her. Get rid of the whole dating mentality. You do not want the date to revolve around her. What you should seek to do instead is to bring her into your world, your reality.
You want to draw the girl into your world. This is key. It is not just about taking her on a fun activity. It is about having a life and bringing her into it, a life that you enjoy so much that you want to share it with others. You are helping her see the world, opening her up and leading her into new experiences. She will want to spend time with you because you make her life better.
For the first date ideally the girl will come to your place to start out, instead of meeting her somewhere else. As long as you have built enough comfort with the girl at your first meeting this should not be a problem. When you set up the time bridge just say, “Let’s meet at my place and we’ll go from there” and tell her the address. When she shows up at your house greet her with a hug and let her in for a minute. After she has seen a glimpse of your place you can then leave. This establishes a trust level that you are not a needy guy who just wants to take advantage of the fact that she is at your house. It also builds curiosity since you have a cool place and makes it natural for her to come back there after the get together.
When the date is over you need to have a reason to go back to your house. It is part of the date plan. Pictures, funny movies, drinks, coffee or pet rock collection. Anything that will help her justify going back there. Likewise, have a reason to go from there to your bedroom and so on. Just expect that it is going to happen and lead the girl, taking the burden of responsibility off her shoulders. You are having a great time so there is no reason to cut it short.
Preferably, you should be the one that ends your time together. Have something to do, somewhere to go, someone to meet. By appearing busy you communicate that you have an interesting life outside of her. It makes her value the time spent with you more and by being unpredictable you keep the attraction going. You also want to end your interactions on a high note, when it seems too soon, leaving her wanting more. That way she cannot wait for the next adventure.
When you end the first meeting you do not need to set up another time bridge for the next one. It is vital for the first meeting, but after that it will be more fun and unpredictable if you do not have your other meetings planned out far in advance. On her way out you can kiss her and say, “Call me”. If she does not call you, wait three to four days until you call her back and then playfully bust her balls about not calling you. It does not really matter who calls who.
As for the activity, it could be virtually anything. Here are a few guidelines:
- Emotional – Take her on an emotionally stirring experience. One that you can share together.
- Enjoyment – Take her somewhere you truly enjoy. You do not want to waste time trying to entertain her doing things you do not like.
- Unconventional – Go for an unconventional date where you are doing something unusual. It will expand her world and show her that you are a cool guy.
- Physical – Active dates where you do something physically often work really well. If you are an expert in the activity and she has to depend on you that is all the better.
- Small commitment – The smaller commitment the girl has to make, the more likely she is to take you up on it. Inviting the girl to a concert is too long a commitment if you have just recently met. Letting her tag along with you to the grocery store is a better alternative.
- Convenient – Make it easy for both of you to hook up in the beginning. It is good to have the event take place within walking distance of your bedroom.
For the first meetings you should take the girl to places where the issue of money does not come up. Spending money on the girl may come across as you trying to impress her or buy her attention. It changes the context to the dating frame which does not serve your purpose. You do not want that to be what it is about.
Make a list of fun activities that you can take girls on. Actually go out and find these cool places in your area and plan out stuff in advance that you can do with a girl there – places that have interesting conversation and a lot of fun built in. You can even get to know the people there beforehand to push up your status.
Just about any event can be made into a fun adventure if you frame if that way. Here are a few examples:
- A walk in the park or along the beach.
- Challenge her at a video arcade.
- Play some pool or go bowling.
- Sing and dance at a karaoke bar.
- Do some sport, such as jogging, beach volley or roller-skating.
- Take her shopping at some trendy stores.
- Invite her out for some drinks with your friends.
Keep things unpredictable. Do not fall into the pattern of doing the same date over and over. Mix things up. If you prefer not to go out you also have the option of just inviting her over to your place. When you have had a girl at your place once getting her back is easy. You can, for example, invite her over to watch a TV show, to have dinner or just to hang out. This kind of date suggests that just being with you is reason enough for her to come over.
Handbook of The Game