Our communication is built up of three parts: body language, tonality and words. Out of these, 60% of your communication is conveyed through your body language, 30% through tonality and only 10% through the words you use. Because of this when it comes to generating attraction having the right body language and tonality is crucial. Without those parts the words you use become ineffective.
To attract women you want to use high status body language. This is body language that conveys the alpha man characteristics. The dominance and confidence aspects are displayed through the use of large, relaxed and comfortable body language. In turn, humor and warmth are shown through your open and friendly posture and your positive facial expressions. This kind of body language will make women want to be with you, whereas the opposite kind will repel them.
A powerful way to improve your body language, and social skills in general, is to become more relaxed and comfortable. The more comfortable you are the easier it will be to make girls comfortable being with you. Your humor and conversation topics will also flow more naturally from this relaxed state of mind. This will allow you to have more fun during your interactions as well.
Regardless of what is going on around you, and whatever social situation you find yourself in, you should be irrationally comfortable, just as if you were hanging out at home. In a high pressure social situation, such as a club, this is easier said than done. One technique you can employ is to imagine that the venue you are in just became your venue. You are now the owner of that venue. Knowing this is your place and you make the rules, your state of mind and body language will change to reflect that.
Another simple way to enhance your attractiveness is through your posture. This works for both genders, but what constitutes an attractive posture is different. Women use poses that accentuate their attractive body parts and curves to better convey their fitness. Men, on the other hand, use large, dominant poses that emphasize their physical size, strength and grace in order to convey their high status.
To train your posture you preferably want to find a full-length mirror so you can see the difference. If not, you can just stand up wherever you are. Let’s begin with the basic high status posture. Starting with your lower body, keep your feet slightly more than shoulder distance apart. Let them be flat on the ground, parallel and pointing forward. Distribute your weight evenly across both feet and stand directly over them. Next, let your hands fall naturally to your sides. To feel more comfortable, you can let your index and middle fingers gently touch your thumb.
As for the upper body, a good way to set things straight is with the hang-by-your-teeth technique. Pretend that there is an iron bar in front of you that you bite down on and use to pull your posture up by the teeth. Feel how it lifts your chest up, pulls your stomach in, straightens your neck and pushes your chin and shoulders back. It sets everything right automatically. Try it now and get a feel for it. You may need to exaggerate it a little bit to get comfortable with it.
If you feel your shoulders are still hunched forward you can address this by stretching the muscles that run across the front of your shoulders. To do this, fold your hands behind your back. Keep your arms straight and gently stretch them upwards for a few seconds before coming down again. There will be a noticeable improvement in your posture as a result.
You now have a default high status posture that you can use. From this default posture you can experiment with other poses to see what looks good for you. Everyone has their own style of body language so you need to develop your own poses. For example, to add some cool action to the default pose, turn your toes a bit outwards and lean on one leg. Then put one or both of your thumbs in your pocket or belt. This is another high status pose.
When you are out meeting people it is good to use open rather than closed body language. For example, if you are holding a drink do not hold it in front of your chest as a barrier. Instead, hold it down to your side from above, and let the hand holding it dangle naturally by your side. It makes you look more comfortable as well as more open to conversation. Likewise, avoid crossing your arms as it signals that you are closed off. Keep your arms open instead to show that you are willing to engage in conversation. You can even hook your thumbs in your back pockets to force open your body language and make yourself look more friendly and approachable.
Keep in mind that your body language affects your emotions and vice versa. When you stand with a good posture and move in a powerful way it will not only make you seem more confident. It will make you feel more confident as well.
As you sit down to interact with a girl, you should physically lean back slightly. This lets you look more comfortable and by not leaning in towards her you will not be perceived as needy or as seeking her approval. It will also make the girl more willing to move towards you in a couch scenario. Make sure to keep your back straight and not slouched.
Keep your legs slightly apart as you lean back. Your feet can either stay below your knees or you can move them out a bit. Another alternative is to put one of your ankles over your knee. These are all high status sitting postures. In contrast, avoid sitting in the feminine manner with your legs closed or crossed. It is masculine to expose your groin and feminine to hide it. Having your legs spread wider than normal can show confidence, but it is a sexually aggressive pose so avoid using it until the girl is attracted to you. As for your hands, you can let them rest comfortably on your legs, arm rest or over the back of the chair.
Your movements should be relaxed and smooth, as opposed to fast or jerky. It is a good idea to practice slower-than-usual movements and gestures. They will not only make you seem more calm and confident, but will also make you feel more relaxed. You can apply this to all kinds of movements – such as walking, turning, gesturing, breathing and even blinking. Try it a couple of times and notice how it relaxes you.
When you walk around in a venue you can maintain this slightly slower-than-normal pace. It makes you appear more graceful and comfortable. Furthermore, you should walk with a purpose, like you are going somewhere, even if you are just going to the bathroom. Remember that you own every place you are at, so walk around like it. This confident walk will get noticed by women.
To make your walk attractive start by assuming the basic high status posture. You can relax this posture a bit when walking, but you want to let it show that the power is there. Keep your legs parallel with each other as you let your hips propel you forward. A good technique to get this high status walk right is to imagine that you are wearing a superhero cape. Walk around a bit with this image in your head to get a feel for it.
When women do a sexy walk they sway their hips to accentuate and bring attention to that area. The equivalent display for men is to sway their shoulders. With your chest out and back straight you can just allow your shoulders to move naturally back and forth as you walk. At the same time allow your arms to swing from the movements of your shoulders and back.
When you are out meeting girls you should try not to appear angry, sad or bored. Any negative states like this will send people running. You instead want to show that you are friendly and fun to be around. The best way to communicate this is with a smile. Not a “nice guy” smile that indicates you want girls’ approval, but the confident alpha smile. A smile that shows that you are out to have a good time. Once the interaction has started you can relax the smile a bit, and use it more as a reward for her gaining your approval. You should also smile in between interactions. It shows that you are having fun, which is attractive. The smile also improves your emotional state and makes you more approachable.
Get in shape
Fitness is a universally attractive trait for both genders. Although a physically fit body does not contribute as much to a man’s attraction value as it does for a woman, a high level of fitness can still be a significant advantage. This is particularly because of the many additional benefits being fit brings you – including an abundance of energy, improved confidence and a greater mood. These benefits will not only improve your social game, but many other areas of your life as well. Similar to style and grooming, a high level of fitness also gives you an instant DHV before you even open your mouth. This makes the process of triggering that initial attraction even easier.
To improve your fitness do cardio training – such as jogging or swimming. Some modest strength training will not hurt, and can help you to burn fat and bulk up, but the main fitness benefits come from cardio training. Cardio training will also allow you to lose fat and build lean muscles, both of which contribute to your physical attractiveness.
One way to measure your level of fitness is to measure your percentage of body fat. This can be done conveniently with a body fat measuring scale. Men are typically considered fit if their percentage is below 17% and toned below 13%. If you want to go the extra mile and get a six-pack you will need to reduce that percentage down to the 8–10% range.
If you feel that you may be carrying around a few extra kilos, an efficient fat loss program is to do 30–45 minutes of cardio training every single day. For maximum fat burn this cardio should be performed first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach. Coupled with a low calorie diet, which is 500 calories below your daily calorie needs, this will allow you to lose around 0.5 kg of fat per week. Once you have gotten in shape you can maintain it either through an active lifestyle or by continuing to exercise two to three times per week.
For more information on losing weight see my article on weight loss.
Eye contact is a powerful way of letting girls know that they are dealing with a real man. When you make eye contact with a woman you are attracted to, you should maintain it and let her be the one who breaks eye contact first. Women are inclined to view a man who looks at them with a steady look as attractive and confident. Without training most men will unconsciously look away, so you will need to practice this.
During an interaction with a girl the amount of eye contact you give her lets you indicate your level of interest in her and the interaction, and vice versa. When you are speaking, your eye contact tells her that what you say is important. Likewise, when she speaks it shows that you find what she is saying interesting and worth listening to. Too strong or too much eye contact can make her uncomfortable, but too little may make you look uninterested. A good ratio is to look directly at her about two-thirds of the time during a conversational thread between just you and her.
When you are not looking at her face do not just go straight for her breasts. Even if she is wearing a revealing outfit, staring at her body will make her uncomfortable and it will signal too much interest early on. Resist the temptation and it will make a positive impression.
Once the girl is attracted to you that is another story. She will then want you to check her out, though you still want to be discreet about it. Sometimes the girl may deliberately present opportunities for you to appreciate her assets by looking away or otherwise flaunting her body to you. As the man you can do the same thing for her and look away while you strike a cool pose. It gives her a chance to admire you sexually without fear of getting caught.
Be sure not to use too strong eye contact with the girl. Just give her a soft gaze, rather than large bug eyes during the conversation. When you make an overt kino move you can take this a step further and use seductive eye contact. You then let your eyelids relax and drop a bit to make her feel warm and fuzzy inside as you go for the escalation. Be sure to practice these and other kinds of eye contact in the mirror to have them ready to go.
The way you speak conveys a tremendous amount of information about who you are and how much value you have. Using your voice properly can help you hold a woman’s attention and make what you say more attractive, almost regardless of the words coming out of your mouth. Follow these simple guidelines to improve the way women respond to your voice.
Make sure to talk loud and clear enough so that the girl can hear you easily. Also slow down your voice to make sure she gets what you are saying. When someone is nervous, they usually speak faster. In contrast, when you slow down your voice it will make you seem more relaxed and in control. When you take your time to make sure your communication is perceived as being important, then you will be perceived as being important as well.
Be expressive with your vocal tonality and have a smooth rhythm to your speech. Use a tonality that is fun and playful rather than monotonous and boring. You can also deepen your voice a bit by finding the lowest natural pitch of your speaking voice. The confidence this voice demonstrates can be powerfully mesmerizing to women. Following these simple tips – clear, slow and deep – will have a huge impact on the amount of attraction you can build in a woman just from the way you are talking to her.
Body language is a mostly subconscious way of communicating, so to improve it you need to bring it to your conscious awareness for a while. Take a seven-day period where you decide to become conscious of your body language so that you can make any needed corrections. Throughout this period strive to use high status body language and simultaneously work on eliminating any bad body language habits you may have. These are any habits that make you seem nervous, uncomfortable or submissive – such as scratching, fidgeting, cracking your knuckles, slouching, leaning in or habitually looking down. Eliminating this bad body language is just as important as developing good body language.
A technique you can use when training your body language is to pretend that you are in a reality TV show and that there is a camera on you at all times. Moreover, the women you are interested in are all going to be watching this video. Better look sharp. Once the seven days are over and you have internalized your high status body language you can let it go back into your subconscious again so you do not have to think about it anymore. It has now become a part of who you are.
Handbook of The Game